Stuffy head

I knew it would happen sooner or later. I have come down with a terrible head cold. I started to feel it coming on when I was flying over here (they make the plane cabins so cold these days) and I have been fighting it for the past 5 days. Finally, it peaked yesterday. I ended up fast asleep for about 3 hours yesterday afternoon which was surprising since my neighbours seem to think they run a disco club out of their house during the day. Even amongst the booming base, I managed to stay cool and sleep away the afternoon.

Speaking of cool, it is near non-existant right now. I had forgotten how hot Mombasa gets this time of year.  You can't go anywhere without beads of sweat dripping down your face. Even if you are standing in the shade you are sweating profusely. Plus, we kept having power outages all day yesterday so my fan would turn on and off at its own will (although the power outages were nice because the music upstairs would stop and the peace and quiet would come).

Adjusting back to Mombasa has been difficult. I am still battling some culture shock. I am finding things that I used to love, I just can't stand anymore. I love locking myself in my apartment because I don't want to face what is outside. Plus, my apartment has a nice cool breeze that runs through it so I can feel cool, somewhat. My transition has not been easy. So I have decided to take a small trip up to eldoret (my kenyan home) to visit all my loved ones up there. My culture shock is sucking the life out of me and I need my joy and zeal back. Pray for me as I take the journey tonight and pray that I will overcome this culture shock and begin to enjoy my surroundings again.

Tell somebody what the Lord has done for you...

Tell somebody what the Lord has done for you. Let them know, He's a God who cares....

Yesterday was a much better day. We got up and had a wonderful breakfast at my favorite coffee place in Nairobi. We then headed off to church. As we rounded the corner to church, a young street boy started following us asking us for some money. Normally, I just shrug them off (its hard to tell which ones are genuine and which ones aren't) but yesterday was different. As he was following us, my friend starting talking with him. Just as we approached the church gates my friend says in swahili, "Come on, let's go to church." The boy looked hesitantly at us. The boy began to explain to us that the guards at the church won't let them in the gates. They get shooed away when they try to go to church. That saddened me. Isn't a church suppose to be a safe place for all people not an elite place for the rich? Would Jesus turn the street boys away? I don't think he would. We assured him that he would get in because he was with us so my friend grabbed his hand and we walked through the gates with no questions asked.

We were a bit early for church so we stood outside and chatted with the boy for a while. We offered to take him for lunch after church but he kindly requested that we forgo lunch and instead buy him some food for his family. He explained to us that his parents were dead and his grandmother looks after him and his two sisters. His grandmother has no source of income so often they will have only one meal a day if she can gather something.His story broke our hearts. We were still being cautious because some of these kids do make up these stories just so that we would give them things. However, this boy seemed to genuine.

We entered the church and he sat in between us. The church service was amazing. It was so refreshing. My heart was so content as we danced and sang praises to our King in swahili. Reminded me why I love this place so much. The sermon was amazing. The pastor is a great teacher and theologian. I love listening to him. I kept looking down beside me at the young boy and was amazed at how attentive he was. I am pretty sure he could recite the whole sermon back to us if we asked him too; that is how focused he was on it. He even knew many of the songs and was singing along and dancing. He came out of the service with my appreciation. He told us how much he enjoyed it.


We then left and went for lunch. We ordered the boy a huge hamburger with fries and a coke. He was so appreciative. He gobbled it down so fast and left nothing on his plate. We had some time to just chat with him and learn a bit more about his life. After wards, we took him to the grocery store and filled up a basket of basic groceries for his family. You could tell that every time we put something in his basket, he was overwhelmed. We kept asking what he needed and I don't think he knew what to say. He was so overwhelmed and appreciative. He kept saying thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

It was time for us to leave him after we had spent the better part of our day with him. We gave him some money to get home. He turned to us and said,'Thank you and may God bless you very much'. It was so wonderful watching him walk away with a huge bag of food for his family. He was such a blessing to us.

The first song we sang at church said, "Tell somebody what the Lord has done for you. Let them know He's a God who cares..."

That's what I wanted the boy to know. I wanted him to know that God cares for him so deeply. I want him to go home and tell his family what God did for him yesterday and the way that God has not forgotten them. Because He hasn't.

The rest of the day was great. We had some friends stop by to visit me. Then in the evening, I was able to meet up an american friend that I had met when I was in Kenya in 2007. We chatted the night away in a local restaurant. It was so great.

I went to bed thanking God for reminding me why I love this country. Ok, there are still things that drive me crazy (like Kenyan immigration - had more issues with them this morning which made me want to pull my hair out) but for the most part, I really do love it here.

Culture Shock

I have arrived in Kenya safe and sound. I had two smooth, long flights with a large layover and even managed to get my bags all in tact. I was so grateful just to have my feet on the ground once we landed in Kenya. 

However, today has been a really rough day for me. My culture shock kicked in within an hour or so of arriving. I really don't know what triggered it. There is such a flurry of emotions and thoughts and feelings running through my head. I know that there were things that definitely contributed to it like the terrible service I got on my Kenya Airways flight. They were the worst flight attendants I have ever encountered in my life. I was one of the lucky ones who didn't get coffee spilt all over their lap. 

Then the person who was suppose to come pick me up was late due to circumstances that couldn't be avoided. I then was told that my accommodation plans had fallen through so I needed to find another  place to stay for a couple days before I head to Mombasa. I was brought to a cousin's house who offered for me to stay there but once I got in, I knew I wouldn't be comfortable there. At this point, I was exhausted from all the travelling, desperately needed to brush my teeth and shower, and would have loved some good quiet time with just me. I was not going to find any of this at the cousin's house. So I decided that I would like to stay in a cheap but decent hotel that I know of downtown. Well, we were so far out of the city that we needed to get a matatu to get to a taxi that would come and pick up all my luggage and then drive all the way to town. The friend I was with needed to go to a bank before it closed at 2pm and we found out that the only one that wouldn't have huge line ups just happened to be in the largest slum in Africa. So we took a cruise through the slum and waiting outside while my friend did some banking. This slum is so overwhelming with all the poverty, smells, sewage, laziness, dirt, garbage, etc. I have toured it before but today was probably not the best day to do it again. 

Finally we arrived at a hotel and booked in. I had a good cry because I was so overwhelmed and just wanted my parents. I was almost ready to get on the plane and head back to Canada. I then slept for 5 hours which was a combination of exhaustion and jet lag. I woke up in tears again but after some prayers and a good talk and walk around the block, I am feeling a bit better. 

This whole day just reminded me of the first time I came to Kenya in 2005. I was miserable for the first 2 weeks of my trip. Just like today, I felt so out of place, was so tired, trying to adjust to the culture, and just questioning my life in general. Today was a flashback to those horrible two weeks. However, looking back at it, I learned so much from that experience that totally helped me get through this day. So that was a blessing in itself. 

So please pray for me. Pray for wisdom, direction, discernment, peace, joy, etc. I know I love Kenya. I know I do. This trip is just a little different as I really don't have much of a game plan. Tonight I pondered what my days would actually look like and I honestly couldn't think of much. I pondered some of my decisions and relationships in my life. I pondered about how nice it would be to be at home with my family right now. 

But I  did manage to open my bible today and the first verse I read was Proverbs 20:24 (the Message) 

"The very steps we take come from God; otherwise how would we know where we are going?"

Thank you God for guiding my steps even when I don't fully understand where I am going...

In the airport again

Seems like just yesterday I was in the Vancouver airport. I guess it has only been 3 months since I got home back to Canada. To me it felt like 5 years but to my parents it was just too short of a visit home.

I guess this trip is a bit different. Most times I am going knowing what I will be doing. I know that I will have an organization to work with who will guide me and work with me for ministry. This time I am going on my own. I am not really accountable to any person or organization. I don't really have a specific job or ministry that I will be working with. My mindset is a bit different. I am going there to settle, to move, and try figure out life.

My packing was a bit different this time. Instead of packing enough supplies to last me a few months, I am packing things that I want to put in my home. My mom and I went shopping for a nice towel set yesterday. I have some kitchen supplies and even some luxury foodstuff. I brought DVDs and tupperware containers.

Also my heart is in a different place. I am not so much preparing myself for ministry and the work that is waiting for me there. I am going, with a willing and obedient heart, to do whatever God asks of me. That could mean starting an orphanage or getting job or going to school or something else. I really don't know.

Here are some more goodbye pics with my grandma and brother. I will miss these 2 people incredibly.

Whatever is going to happen, I know God is preparing me for it. I don't know how but I know that He is. And I am so excited for what is awaiting me in Kenya.

Departure Day

In only a few short hours I will be backing out of my drive way in Castlegar and on my way back to Kenya. I am so ready to go but I am terribly sad to be leaving my parents behind. My mother and I will be driving to Vancouver together over the next two days but this will be goodbye for my dad this morning. The tears haven't hit hard yet but the anticipation is killing us. Why does it have to be so hard? I guess I am blessed that my parents actually care and are extremely sad that I am leaving. Better than having parents who don't care what you are doing. I am so blessed. 

My bags are pretty much packed and ready to go. I keep finding new things to stuff in them trying to reach my weight capacity. I am given 50lbs per bag and I want to use all the 50lbs if I can. I think I have done a pretty good job so far. I am getting pretty good at fitting my life into a suitcase. 

This week has been wonderful. It hasn't been too stressful. I have been had to chance to say goodbye to most of my friends. I have had some precious time with my parents and some wonderful quiet time with God. I am just ready to go!

I got to have supper with my dear friend Amber. She used to babysit my brother and I and teach us piano when I was in elementary school. Then when I moved to vancouver to go to college, she moved in with me for a year. She made the transition to college life away from home so much easier. She taught me to eat well and keep the house clean and manage money. Now she has a new little apartment and a great new job. I am so grateful for her friendship. 

We had a 6 week memorial for my Deda on Saturday. Doukhobors believe that 6 weeks after a person's death, their soul still remains on earth and then transitions into heaven. This belief comes from the timeline of when Jesus died on the cross and finally ascended into heaven. They have worked it out to be about 6 weeks. 

The day of the memorial, we usually head to the gravesite for a small service of singing russian hymns and prayers and saying a few nice words about the deceased. Then we all join together and have a big lunch. We held the big lunch at our place and so my Baba and my mom were cooking all the food the night before. My Baba is so short, we put her on a stool.

A small gathering of friends and family at Deda's grave. 

The graveyard hadn't been ploughed so we all had to hold onto each other as we trudged through the deep snow. Deda, the outdoors man that he was, would have been proud.  

I came home after the service only to find my precious pup digging in all my clothes. I had washed, ironed and nicely folded them in preparation for packing but I guess she decided to wreck all my nice piles. Maybe she is just tell me how much she doesn't want me to go. 

"I'm not moving!"

Busy last days

One week today and I will be boarding my plane back to Kenya. I am so much more relaxed this time. I am not sure why. I feel like I am just going home. I know what to expect so I am not so anxious about uncertainty. I am so excited for what the next few months hold for me. I am slowly learning to surrender everything to Him including my plans. I realized that I often say that I surrender my life to Him but I really only mean that I surrender my life to Him when my life is going according to my plans. I  am starting to let go of my plans a little more and allow more room for God to guide me. It is so important to plan and to vision what your life will be like, but not to hold on to them so tight that it blurs your sense of where God is leading you. Practical lessons that are constantly challenging me. 

My days are busy right now. I am trying to fit everyone in for one last goodbye. I think people are used to me coming and going so much that it is not as dramatic anymore. Although this time is a little different because I don't know when I will be coming back to Canada. 

And packing is turning out to be a bit more thinking than I had intended. I am already trying to figure out what I need, what I can and can't get there, what I want to bring from home, what I could leave behind, how to maximize my baggage allowance, and so on. How do you pack not knowing when you are coming home? It's a good thing I am not too attached to my things in Canada.

Today I received the most beautiful card from my grandmother. Inside, I found my grandfather's old book of psalms that he used to take with him to Sunday school. Inside it is written, "Douglas MacGregor, 1932." I am definitely taking that along with me. 

Pray with me for the next few days. I will be leaving Castlegar on Tuesday to go see my brother for one night and then off to Vancouver to see my beloved grandmother one more time then I fly out on Thursday evening. Pray for safe travels (and a peaceful heart for me). Pray for precious times with my family over the next few days. Pray that I would put God first in every step I take. 

Chloe and Alivia McKenzie! Beautiful girls with beautiful hearts. I love hanging out with these girls and walking with them as they experience teenage hood. They are so much fun!

I have an extra suitcase designated just for the Rehma Boys' equipment that my community has donated to them. I cannot wait to see them all dressed up in their new gear! 

More Socks!

As I mentioned in my previous post, a local sporting store, Mallards, offered to give us 24 pairs of brand new soccer socks. I went up there to claim my socks and, to my surprise, he handed me this gigantic bag full of socks.  Inside there were over 50 pairs of high-quality, brand new soccer socks! Amazing! Thank you Mallards!

Rehma Boys Jerseys!

A  few months ago I got an email from a dear friend of mine from Trail, B.C. She said that she was the president of her grad class and that they wanted to do something for the Rehma Boys. I mentioned a few ways they could help, she talked about it with her class and they decided that they would raise the funds and make their jerseys!

The local news did an article on the project. You can read it here.

I am so excited to see the boys' faces when they see the jerseys for the first time. They are going to be so excited to have their own, personalized jerseys!

I am now just getting ready to go to a local sporting store where the owner (and a friend of the family), after seeing the article, wants to donate brand new Adidas soccer socks for the boys!

Our boys are going to be the best looking team in all the city!!!

Snuggles with Lucy

Our dog Lucy has been such an important part of our lives for the past 13 years. Recently she has been having some health problems (crazy seizure/vertigo/stroke-like attacks) which has left her a little broken. We really don't know what we would do without her. She brings so much joy and love to our family. We are not big animal lovers but we sure do love our dog. This morning she did something that I have never seen her do. She crawled up on my chest, dug her nose into my shoulder, and fell asleep. She usually doesn't like having her face close to ours but I am not sure why this morning was different. I laid for an hour on the couch, snuggling with my precious pup. 

She fell asleep on the armrest of our chair the other day which is also something that we have never seen her do before. Isn't she just adorable?

BFFAEAEAEAEAE

Best Friends Forever and Ever and Ever and Ever and Ever and Ever and Ever!

Thats what we used to call each other. 

This is my bestest friend, Nikki Paige Watson. I changed schools when I was in gr.2 and, at the time, it was devastating leaving all my old friends behind. But it didn't take too long before I found a new best friend. Nikki and I have pretty much been inseparable since we were in gr. 2. Nikki and Nikole. Nik and Nik. Two peas in a pod. Attached at the hip. Sisters. BFFs.

Nikki still lives in our hometown and really has no desire to leave. She is not the adventurous type like I am and we have very different interests. But none of that matters when we are together. Often when I would come home from college or Africa, she would be the first one knocking on my door. I open the door, she gives me a huge hug, she helps herself to a cup of tea and we sit down together to play crib. Its like I never left. We can go a year without seeing each other and pick up just where we left off. 

She is the most loyal friend I have ever had or met. She will drop everything in a heartbeat if I need her. She will go out of her way to hang out with me. She doesn't criticize me or judge me even when I know she doesn't agree with me. She is one of a kind. A friend like her is hard to find. 

I am blessed that she is my BFFAEAEAEAE!

Sunday Stroll

It's a beautiful Sunday today. Well it looks like it from inside. Clear blue skies, bright sun, snow is melting however, the second you step outside, you are chilled to the bone. I definitely enjoy summer better. Anyways, my parents and I took a stroll along the river. Beautiful but cold. Beautifully cold. 

Mom and I were picking on Dad since he has a robotic leg (well its just a cast). This is his angry face.

My parents are sweet.

I was laughing so hard cause it was so cold.

Socks!

I had a friend drop off a whole bunch of her old soccer socks at my house last night. I was amazed to find that half of them had not even been used yet! Because they are relatively small, (so they don't take up too much room in my luggage) I have started collecting some for the Rehma boys. So if you have an old pair of soccer socks, please drop them at my place. OK, I guess I should clarify that I don't want just any soccer socks. I want ones that look almost new. I don't want holes or worn out socks.

Speaking of the Rehma boys, I am so excited to see how the people around me have pulled together for these boys. We almost have all their equipment! Amazing! We have a local grad class that has made their jerseys for them. I have a friend collecting money for cleats at his work. Then I had some people give individually which helped us to purchase practice equipment, enrol in a league and play some local games, and have a few outings as a team!

I can't wait to get the boys all dressed up in their new gear!

Pray with us as we go forward with them. We are currently looking for some people to sponsor a couple of the boys to go to school. A couple of them are just so hungry to get to school but are not able to because they just don't have the money. A few of them are in their late teens and have only gone up to gr. 8. Some of them have finished high school but weren't able to get employment or go to university so they have tried starting up their own businesses. Let's just say that they don't quite understand how business works. We want to get them trained with practical business skills.  I have been looking into some business programs as well as some other more practical training courses.

We are also hoping to hold a big soccer camp over the holidays in August. Our boys would be the leaders and we would invite all the local kids to come and enjoy a week of soccer.

So we have lots of ideas. In the meantime, we are still spending everyday with them at the pitch, just showing them the love of Jesus!

Sorting through my inbox...

I have started to go through the hundreds of emails in my inbox. Ok, they are not all in my inbox. I do have other folders that I keep them in that are labeled things like "Family", "Africa 2007", "Funny". Over the past few years, I have sorted my emails into these folders but have forgotten really whats in them. Some of my emails could have fallen under several categories. Like if my brother sent me a joke I could have put it under "Family" or "Funny". At the time, I probably just picked one and said to myself that I would organize it all one day.

Well that day has come. I am sorting through all my emails in all my folders. I am amazed at how many pointless emails I kept thinking that one day I would just love to read through them again. There are definitely some really precious ones that I am keeping and some with some great information that I could use in the future but for the most part, I have no sentimental or emotional attachment to any of them. I really don't know what I was thinking when I decided to keep them.

So I am purging most of them. And it feels so good! I am taking advantage of unlimited high speed internet while I can because I know that I won't have that luxury for a while (unless Kenya miraculously discovers high speed internet).

I am looking forward to clean inbox!

Feb 17th - Here I come Kenya!

I booked my ticket back to Kenya. February 17th is the big day of departure! I was just elated as I walked out of the travel agents office. I have been on cloud 9 all day.

It is also a one way ticket!

I know. Scary. But oh so exciting.

Let me tell you the story...

I was originally planning to head back to Kenya in May. I wanted to work for a few months to get the numbers in my bank account a little higher. I also needed to spend some sweet time with my family. I wanted to talk to some people about the Rehma and hopefully gain some support for them.

Well all that went out the window pretty fast. It has not been an easy few months. Pretty much all of MY plans didn't happen. I struggled big time. I could not get a job for the life of me! I must have applied to 15 different places (which is a lot when you consider what a small town I live in with few employment opportunities) and heard nothing. Nothing at all. For weeks. I started getting pretty bummed. I started doubting myself wondering what was wrong with me. One place I applied at hired a 14 year old boy over me! Although, I thought it was great because the owners were Christians and totally take the most random odd beat people on their staff.

Besides the failed job hunt, a few other plans of mine fell through and I was devastated. My health started to deteriorate again which always happens when I am in Canada. And the list goes on.

However, amongst all these disappointments, I got to have the most precious times in the hospital with my Deda before he died. I think he, above all, was the reason I was home. I found such unexpected joy visiting him in the hospital and spending hours at his bedside talking, holding his hand, praying or just being there while he slept. Incredible blessing.

Around Christmas I started getting antsy really asking God where He wanted me to be. I struggled big time. It was probably the first time in my life that I didn't have a plan. I didn't wake up in the mornings looking forward to anything. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I was lost. And I was scared.

Slowly the idea of going back to Kenya sooner started arising in my mind and, thankfully, in the mind of my parents. My dad, of all people, was the one who almost encouraged me to consider going back sooner.

I started praying  and seeking God. I started looking into flights and talking with good people I am accountable too. I debated what to do when I get there and tried to find some actual jobs in Kenya. All this led me to purchase my one-way ticket this morning!

Yup I am leavin' on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again.

You must think I am crazy by now. But trust me there is more logic to it than you think. I am a very logical person. I don't make a decision without really thinking it all the way through. But sometimes God is not a very logical God. Which is not easy for us logical, always planning, realistic folk.

My main purpose for going back would be to work with the Rehma boys (I have collected almost all the equipment the boys need!) and to nurture and pursue a very special relationship in my life.

I would greatly appreciate your prayers. This is such an exciting leap of faith for me! Pray for my parents as their little girl goes off again to Africa this time not knowing when I will be back. Pray for finances (I would love to get a job in Kenya! it is quite difficult though). Pray for my everyday that God would guide me where He wants me and that I would humble myself enough to listen to Him. Just Pray.

Kenya, here I come again!

Two (actually three) special ways to give

I am big on giving. As most of you know, I love giving my time, efforts, money to africa. I am also very minimalistic and choose not to buy new clothes or buy a $2 cup of coffee when I could just make it at home. Thats just the way I am - or the way that I have changed over the past 5 years. I never used to be like this until I went to Africa, saw how much need there is and then fell passionately in love with Jesus who really digs giving. More so, I give my life to Jesus - for Him to work powerfully in and through me. To give up "ME" so that there can be more of "HIM". Ok, this post is not about my devotion to Jesus.

I like smart giving. I like giving that empowers people, is sustainable, and that doesn't make the problem worse. In Kenya, there are a ton of beggars. Yes, they are probably hungry but is giving them food really what they need? OK, yes it is what they need but wouldn't it be better to give them the tools to be able to get their own food?? I hate to say it, but when you give to most beggars, you are really just fuelling them to keep begging.

Anyways, so I love these two ways of giving:

1. Child Sponsorship- Ever since I could remember, my family has always sponsored a child. I used to love getting mail from our sponsor child and seeing how we (well my parents) are helping their lives. My parents still have the same sponsor children that we had when we were young. I now sponsor a child. I actually got to pick my child as I had known her for almost two years. I can't tell you how awesome and wonderful it is to sponsor her. I get the privilege to actually see her a few times a year which is rare for most child sponsorships, but I also delight in her little letters that she sends me. The latest one said "Nikole I thank you that I have not had to be sent home for school fees." In Kenya, parents struggle to take their kids to school  because it is so expensive for them. Usually if their fees are not paid by a certain date, they have to be sent home to collect them. This is so common in Kenya so my sponsor girl realizes how great it is not to be sent home. And I love that she gets to go to school with no worries. If you have never sponsored a child or want to sponsor one I suggest Empowering Lives International (most because I know half the kids and sponsor coordinator is a good friend of mine). Just google them. $30 a month is really not that hard to give up. Just make more coffee at home.

2. Kiva - I have known about this for a few years but it was just last month that I decided to try it. I even gave it as a gift to my brother and father for christmas. It is a lending system where you can lend to people around the world to help them start a business and they will eventually pay you back!!  The great part is that you actually get to chose who want to give to and then track their progress. It is the coolest thing!! So if you really want to give money but figure you might need it back some day, this is perfect for you. Just over a month ago, I lent $25 to a girl in Israel who wanted to start her own DJ business. So my money helped her to buy equipment. I was surprised when I got an email the other day saying that $3.28 of my loan had already been paid off! Wow, she must be a pretty talented DJ. I highly suggest this form of giving. It is sustainable, empowering and you get your money back!

Alright, the third special way to give is to my Rehma boys. I can't tell you how much I love these boys and so desire for them to become amazing men. I will update in a few days of the progress they have made and how you can help my sweet boys.

I hope this has inspired you to give up a few lattes and give a little to some pretty awesome people around the world!

Maybe just a little excessive...

I don't like planes. At all. Which is rather ironic since I travel on them a lot. Last January, I took 6 planes just to get to Kenya. Yup, I did not enjoy that at all. At all.

I think my fear is getting worse as I am getting older. I remember when I used to just trust whatever the travel agent would book for me. My only criteria was price. I just wanted the cheapest flight I could get. So I didn't care what airlines it was or how many planes I had to take or how long my layovers were. But now I have become a bit more picky.

I am currently looking into one-way flights to Kenya for next month (YUP! I am going back! SO exciting! Will write more about that later). The cheapest flight I found on my own was a flight plan to LA then Dubai then Nairobi. First of all, I was excited about getting to go to Dubai but once I found out that the flight from LA to Dubai was almost 16 hours long, my stomach dropped. That flight plan would take me 3 days to get to Kenya. It was through Emirates airlines though, which is one of the top airlines in the world. So I started looking at the Emirates website and what they offered. Then I looked at numerous reviews of the company from many different sources. Then I looked up which aircraft I would travel on and search their safety ratings. Then I searched airplane safety in general. I tried to convince myself that I could bear the 16 hour flight (and an overnight layover in LA) because it is such a great airlines and I would get to see Dubai for a few hours.

However, a few days later I gave up that idea and went to a travel agent to see if she could find me a more favourable flight plan in the same price range. I told her what I was looking for and she said she would need some time to look it up as I was quite specific.

I got a call from her this afternoon with some news. She told me she found another flight plan that was a smidgen cheaper and didn't involve any 16- hour flights or crazy overnight lay-overs. It is from Vancouver to Chicago to London to Nairobi. Not bad. I then asked what the airlines were. She told me that the first two flights were Delta and the last flight was Kenya Airways. Again, my stomach dropped. Not the biggest fan of those airlines. So again I started my research on the airlines, their aircraft, their services, safety ratings, and reviews. I have to say, I wasn't to pleased with what I found. They are definitely not some of the top airlines in the world. I just remember being in Kenya in 2007 and we had to have a 'day of mourning' because a Kenya Airways plane crashed in Cameroon. Ever since then, I have always been nervous about them (even though I did fly home on them last year and it wasn't all that bad).

My mind was racing. Which route should I go? Do I want comfort or a short trip? Or should I should fork out the cash and get what I want???

Then I stopped. And realized that I was getting a bit out of control. A little bit excessive. And realized...

Where is my trust in God?

I have put my trust in airplanes and safety ratings and reviews and man made things but have not once consulted God and put my trust in Him. He is the one who created all things. He created the air, the sky, the land, oceans, airplanes, safety, great systems, turbulence, and all those things. He created the universe and all things in it. So why must I be afraid? He is awesome and powerful and mighty and all-knowing. So why fret?

So I have surrendered it to Him and vowed that I would no longer stress over it. And if I crash into the ocean, I just get to be with my King a lot sooner.

TRUST in the Lord with ALL your heart and LEAN NOT on your own understanding...

Tumaini Children's Choir

Alright, these are the last of my videos for now. I will try get more videos that aren't just singing and dancing. 

These kids are so precious to me. They are the kids from Empowering Lives Children's Home. This is the first place I went to on my first trip to Kenya in 2005. I am privileged to be able to watch them grow up. Over the past couple years they have slowly formed a choir. They were able to record their own songs, make a video, get some fancy outfits and perform out in the community. They have called themselves the "Tumaini children's choir" ('tumaini' means 'hope' in swahili). It is a special treat to watch them perform. Hope you enjoy (especially those who know these kids!) 

Cousins!

The highlight of the last few days for me was definitely seeing my cousins again. I haven't seen them since Christmas last year. Now, we have never been super close like some families are. This is because of many reasons. First, they have always lived far away from us so we only really got to see them during holidays. Second, my parents seemed to be ahead of everyone else and had children much sooner. I am the first grandchild on both sides of my family. Third, I was followed by a gang of boys. After me came my brother and then, over the next 9 years, my aunties only gave birth to boys. So I never quite fit in because I was always the oldest (and then years ahead maturity wise) and I was interested in dolls and pop stars while my cousins like toy trucks and lego. It wasn't until I was 10 years old that I got my first girl cousin. Then I had to wait a few years to be able to play with her but even when she reached that age, I was past playing and was more into music and fashion. So all my girl cousins are 10-15 years younger than I am. 

Nonetheless, they are my cousins and I love to see how they are growing up and turning into some pretty cool people. 

My brother, Mark (right), and Micki have always been a cheeky pair. 

Amanda is my only girl cousin on my mom's side. She is 10 years younger than I am. She has an elastic backbone and can pretty much make any shape with her body. It freaked us all out. 

I love my brother!

Me and amanda doing the dishes!

We took them to a local tobogganing hill since they all live in the city and never see snow. At the top of the hill is Jeremy. 

I live in a boys world. They are past lego and now play poker.

Is the ride over yet?

Is this roller coaster ride over yet???

This month has been quite the roller coaster ride for our family. And I am about ready for this ride to be over.

Things seem to climb upwards and then they eventually get over the hill and fall down fast. Then add in some extra twists and turns, and a few screams, laughs, and cries (ok a lot of cries). We turn a corner and things start going up slowly again but then it seems that something happens and we come tumbling down again hard. We spend sometime regrouping and then again some more twists and turns seem to come unexpectedly.

I have always hated roller coasters. I never liked them since I was a little girl.

I hope the ride has at least slowed down a little after finishing the last part of my Deda's funeral.

 Yes, the last part. It has been over the past 3 days. My grandparents are part of a certain culture and faith called the Doukhobors. You can search it on the internet for yourself if you want to know more about them and maybe one day I will write something about it on here. Their funerals last for 3 days and involve a lot of russian hymns and prayers and many formalities. They say that it 'helps with the transition of the soul into heaven'. It is in 6 weeks that we will do another service at the grave sight where they believe the soul will be accepted into heaven(it has to do something with the timeline of when Jesus rose again after being crucified and then Him eventually ascending into heaven).

It is my culture but it is not my faith. I think my grandparents were the only ones who believe in it and none of their children have decided to follow it. However, it does have a rich culture which I have grown up in and do admire in many ways. We did the funeral for Deda because that is what he would have wanted.

So now that Deda is gone, I am praying that life settles down a little bit. My dad is still on crutches (thats another long story) and my dog walks lopsided (again, another long story). But I am praying that this season or 'ride' comes to an end soon. I wouldn't mind to just stop and relax for a little while.

To everything there is a season,

 A time for every purpose under heaven: 

        A time to be born, 

And a time to die; 

      A time to plant, 

And a time to pluck what is planted; 

       A time to kill, 

And a time to heal; 

      A time to break down, 

And a time to build up; 

       A time to weep, 

And a time to laugh; 

      A time to mourn, 

And a time to dance; 

       A time to cast away stones, 

And a time to gather stones; 

      A time to embrace, 

And a time to refrain from embracing; 

        A time to gain, 

And a time to lose; 

      A time to keep, 

And a time to throw away; 

       A time to tear, 

And a time to sew; 

      A time to keep silence, 

And a time to speak; 

        A time to love, 

And a time to hate; 

      A time of war, 

And a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

You make me strong

This verse has been running through my head every second of the day it seems. Two days ago, I opened my bible (the message version) to one of my fav psalms (psalm 18). I read the first verse and I was done. I didn't even read anymore. That was enough for me. That's what I needed to get me through. 

My grandfather passed away two nights ago. 

He had been in the hospital since before I left Kenya. He had an aneurism that burst and he miraculously survived. But as he spent the past 2 and a half months in the ICU, his body seemed to go up and down. He made huge improvements but also had many set backs. Finally on Monday night, he decided that he was done. 

It has hit our family hard. He was the last male/paternal figure in our family. And over the past few days we have realized what an impact he had in our little community. My mother was definitely a daddy's girl so she is struggling the most. 

I will miss my Deda. I didn't realize how much. I was looking forward to him being at my wedding or seeing my children. I wanted more time with him. I am not sure where he is. We had a lot of great talks about Jesus so I hope that Jesus took him home and that he is rejoicing in his new body. 

Pray for our family. We need it. 

I love you God, you make me strong. 

The last picture of me and Deda before I left for Kenya last year.