My Grumbling to God

Yesterday I did some major grumbling to God.

I went to check up on the boys in school, something I haven't done since the before the wedding. Well, the very first school I went to was terribly disappointing. After speaking with the teacher (who, by the way, is lovely), she told me that my boy had not come to class for the first 3 weeks of the term. He told her that he was practicing too hard and that he was having issues with his sponsors. She also told me that he is quite proud. He eventually came to school but missed so many classes that he was going to meet her that afternoon and see how he can catch up.

I told them that practice can never be his excuse as he knows that school is way more important for us than soccer. And I mentioned that there is no issue with his sponsors, but rather he probably couldn't find transport to town (something which we don't provide).

I left the school so angry. I walked down the street grumbling to God, "Seriously?! Another one? What is happening with our boys God? Why all of a sudden are they giving us so many issues? What have we done wrong? I thought this is what you wanted me to do. I thought putting him into school was what you had asked me to do. Did I not hear you right? God am I not listening to you close enough? What do these boys really need from us? Why do we do so much for them and yet they just mess it up. UGH, Help me. Give me understanding. Work in their lives because, honestly God, I sometimes feel like giving up."

I grumbled all the way through lunch. Just thinking and asking God all sorts of questions. I spent the afternoon searching my bible and praying for any sort of wisdom. I just wanted answers.

I came home and told Kelvin the story. He wasn't surprised and just sort of shrugged it off. I am definitely the more emotional one. He said he will talk to him.

Well this morning, Kelvin and I were sitting in our office (which is suppose to be for our business but tends to be more of a counselling room with all the people that come in and Kelvin counsels) when our young man came in and sat down. I spent the morning and some of last night praying for him, that God would truly intervene. So I was anxious to see how this conversation would go.

Kelvin started talking to him about practice, home life, and school. We had been getting  many complaints about him in all these areas mostly concerning his very prideful nature. He listened attentively to Kelvin as Kelvin talked to him and asked him all these questions. He confessed that him not going to school was merely because of transport fees and nothing else. We then invited the mama that he stays with who is actually the mom to another one of our boys who we put in school on the other side of the country. She graciously took him in when he didn't have anywhere to go. She feeds him, gives him a roof over his head, and a place to rest his head all out of the goodness of her heart. But recently he had been quite disrespectful to her. So she came in and we all had a conversation. *Note: this was all happening in swahili so I didn't get all of it. She talked and talked and then Kelvin released her to go while he finishes up with our boy. Almost the second she left, he burst into tears. Yes, our notoriously prideful young man, was crying in the office.

Kelvin took this opportunity to tell him about Jesus. You see, we love our boys unconditionally. We want them to thrive in life and be amazing young men. We want to see them fed and fit. We want to see them be good husbands, fathers, friends. But above all else, we desperately desire for them to know Jesus. We don't discriminate them for their beliefs. We love the muslims just as much as the christians. But deep down, we want them to have a relationship with Jesus.

As Kelvin was talking, I was praying. Our young man sat staring at the floor, tears still dripping down his face. Kelvin eventually asked him if he wanted to have Jesus, and the boy nodded. Kelvin got him to pray and then Kelvin prayed over him as the tears still streamed down his face.

We were elated. God had moved in ways that I never imagined. God had heard all my grumblings to him. I thanked him. My heart was so full.

Kelvin explained that it will not always be easy. Living for Jesus does not always mean an easy road but the best part is that we have the greatest Best Friend in the whole world who is there to guide us, love us, save us, fill us, forgive us, and help us.

Asante Yesu. You are amazing.