Where to start...
Life has been overwhelming the last couple weeks. It has been hard but also it has been incredibly joyful and exciting. I am overwhelmed in a good way.
First of all, I am reading a book that has rattled me up. The Hole in the Gospel is written by the president of World Vision. It is an account of how he accepted God's calling for him to take the position even though he had a high end CEO job. Then he talks extensively about what is happening in the world. The reality of poverty, war, disease, hunger, corruption, etc. That's about when I started to feel overwhelmed with hopelessness. There is SO much need, so how do you even begin to make a difference? How are we so oblivious to what is going on in the world? The West is so disconnected from it. I spent hours reading and my heart shattering into tiny pieces for how little we are helping people who literally HAVE NOTHING. I live in Africa and try to help the poor but even I feel like I don't do enough. (By the way, the book has totally convinced me not to buy a washing machine. I would rather pay some struggling single mother to wash my clothes. I actually tried to compromise and say I would pay someone to put them in my washing machine.) Eventually the author started to turn things around and offered encouragement to me, hopeless at that point, that I was not called to save the world but to obey Jesus and what He has asked me to do for the people He loves. I am called to be His hands and His feet, His love and His compassion, for those who are suffering. I think I am on my way there.
I still haven't even finished the book. I still have about a third left to read.
Next, Kelvin and I have started marriage counselling. I am personally loving it. I am overwhelmed at the way God has designed marriage and what purpose it has. I am overwhelmed that God's gift to me is Kelvin, an amazing, loving, handsome, God-fearing, man. I am overwhelmed at how hard marriage and relationships can be especially as we strive to obey Jesus' commands to love, respect, submit, forgive, stay committed to one another for the rest of our lives. I am in awe of my Creator, that's fo' sho.
On that same note, wedding plans are coming along well! Only 7 more weeks to go! We are having some issues with the invitations. People are just not understanding that, if you are not invited, don't come. We didn't give you a card for a reason. We have had numerous people ask us if they can bring their coaches, neighbours, teachers, and other people. NO! is my answer. People keep calling us asking for their invitation, as if we have forgotten it or it got lost. If you didn't get a card, it probably means you weren't invited. It sounds harsh but, at this point, I have to be.
We have also found the apartment that we are going to move into once we are married!! It is a sweet little one bedroom place just up the road from where I stay now. Currently they are re-painting it and getting it all fixed up for Kelvin to move into it in December. After the wedding, I will join him! It has 24 hour security and bars on all the windows (my top priority) and flowing water (my second top priority). Gosh, 7 weeks can't come soon enough.
On to the boys...
There are days where I am super excited about them and some days I am so frustrated.
I am personally struggling to connect with the boys on a deeper level. My relationships with them are very surface level. Language is a barrier as not all of them can speak in English. I think the fact that I am white and I am a girl puts a bit more of a divide between us. And then I am more of a matronly/motherly figure. They have a lot of reverence for me. I bring most of the finances and they know that without me, Kelvin really can't do what he does for them. I guess it is not a bad thing. I think I like the respect and reverence they have for me. But sometimes I just wish to connect a little bit more. On the other hand, kelvin does an amazing job with them. They just adore him. I have no idea how he does it, but they respect and honour him to no end.
We are having issues with one of them in particular. It's hard when you do so much for him and then he turns around and hurts you for no reason at all. I guess you expect him to change but that doesn't always happen. His issues are so much deeper than we understand or have the capabilities to deal with. We are just praying for guidance in how to deal with the one that has strayed.
But then there are some who are making huge leaps forward and, if I dare say, are becoming some pretty awesome human beings.
And I have been overwhelmed by the response to our call for Christmas gifts! People are stepping up from everywhere to bless these young men. I am so looking forward to doing some shopping for them! Thank you all!!! Asanteni Sana!
Then there is always the joys and tribulations of everyday life. Yesterday, I had a rough time at the pitch watching the boys play. I just got so much unnecessary attention from everybody around that it was exhausting and draining for me. I am white. So!? However, I am looking forward to a great afternoon with a good friend, chatting and chomping on home made cookies. Simple everyday blessings.
All in all, I am overwhelmed. But oh so thankful for all that is going on in my world.