Longing for Jesus

Christmas is over and I feel like I can now collect all my thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

This Christmas I longed for Jesus more than ever before. I kept finding myself just uttering His sweet name all day long. Under my breath, in my mind, on my heart - "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus"

It was more out of desperation than out of praise.

This Christmas season was hard for me. I spent most of it with a pretty heavy heart and a lot of discomfort. And I don't think I was alone. I kept reading about and talking with people all over the world who were feeling the same, mostly those who live abroad and away from everything comforting and known. One person even entitled their post 'Surviving Christmas'. Since when did Christmas become such a struggle that we must survive through? It was always a time of relaxation, rejuvenation, family, comfort, abundance, and food. But I understood this post. I felt like I just wanted to survive through this Christmas and move on.

Jesus

I really wanted a real Christmas tree and I wanted to open lots of gifts on Christmas morning. Is that selfish of me? I have now spent four Christmas' in Kenya with no tree or gifts and, for the most part, I didn't mind that one bit. But this Christmas, I wanted lots of junk food in my stocking and some new stylish clothes and maybe a fancy gadget. I miss spending Christmas with my family and doing things the way that I did growing up.

Jesus

It is unbearably hot here. Not sure what happened but it seems hotter than last year. It's made everything a lot more difficult and daunting. Plus we have are all battling some sort of head cold that is making everything that much more uncomfortable. You can't even sit still without sweating. Last night I had the fan blasted on high and draped my body with a damp towel and I was still sweating. Tears streamed down my face just wanting to be cool.

Jesus

Kelvin's family is here and although I adore them, they do things differently. They don't even speak english so often I have been left out of the conversation. I am so nervous to cook for his mom that I just keep messing up. My rice has been mushy and my chai too strong. I am not even sure if I want to explain how uncomfortable I was having a chicken on my deck. Before we killed it on Christmas morning, I had to go to my room and compose myself so tears didn't decide to show up for all to see. Chicken. Blood. Everywhere. And me being uptight about cleanliness hovered over Kelvin trying to make sure everything was washed with hot water and bleach. At some point I scratched my nose only to realize that I just smeared chicken blood all over my face.

Jesus

It's not always easy knowing that you don't have the means to buy your loved ones gifts. Kelvin and I went to the grocery store the other day and had the intent of treating his family to some nice gifts. Once we looked at the cash in our hands we realized that it was not going to be possible. We ended up buying some more expensive sweets for them all to share. However, it is even harder when I look around and see people who don't have any food or any family for Christmas. They are right outside my door.

Jesus 

My heart aches with all the suffering around me and all over the world. Shootings, bombs, sicknesses, poverty, dysfunction all around. One heart break after another.

Jesus Jesus Jesus 

I believe I have understood now more than ever what it means to long for a Saviour, to await the coming of Hope, to depend solely on the Son of God. How many times I had to stop and whisper 'Jesus' knowing that He was the only thing that could get me through this next day, hour, minute. At times I didn't even know what I needed or how to get there so I just murmured out His name.

And He did show up. I did get through. And I am doing well. There were great moments of joy and wonder. I did laugh and smile and make merry. We enjoyed family and loved ones and ate amazing food. Sweet breezes and cold showers cooled my body.

God is indeed with us.

 We prepared a huge Christmas feast. It was way too much food but we doggie bagged most of it and sent it home with everyone. Was so so thankful to have all of Kelvin's sisters there to help cook and clean.

 This was part of the chicken we killed in the morning. I was especially happy to see it eaten as it was waking us up at 4am cock-a-doodle-dooing.

We played some Rummikub. 

 It was Kelvin's twin sisters', Joan and Harriet, birthday on the 24th so we decided to celebrate it on Christmas when the whole family was there. I woke up extra early to bake it before they woke up. It was a pretty sad cake but it did the trick.

Then we had a dance party. 

Yes, He is really with us.

Some Muddy Soccer

We are home! We did indeed make it to Kipkaren for a wonderful week of learning, listening, teaching, and fellowshipping. 

I grew up in a small town so I love the intimacy of a small community. Mombasa was the last place I ever wanted to be cause its so big, clustered, dirty, and cramped. Going to the village is like a vacation for me even if I am working all day long. The beautiful sunrises and sunsets, the quietness, the green landscape, the cool weather, the simple lifestyle, the fresh produce, the humble people, and the slower pace of life. So wonderful! 

Our hosts were amazing! They have this swanky guesthouse (which was three times bigger than our apartment in Mombasa) fit with the most comfortable beds and steaming hot showers!! They fed us wonderful meals and let us enjoy their family. We learned a lot from them! They too are a mixed couple like Kelvin and I. They have been doing community development in this area for 14+  years. I picked their brains on so many things like their mistakes, triumphs, difficulties, finances, etc. We were so privileged to work with them. 

 We tried to wake up early every morning to have coffee and do devotions together while the sun was rising. Spectacular! 

The reason we were asked to come up there was to help start a youth program similar to ours. The state of the youth in this community really broke our hearts. I was especially heartbroken for the young women most of whom dropped out of school at an early age and got pregnant either by their husbands, someone else's husband, or some random men. They really need someone to walk alongside of them and point them towards Jesus their Healer, Forgiver, Redeemer, Lover, Provider and Father.

Above Kelvin was doing devotions for a group of youth and widows in the community. After devotions, we took the youth and did some team building exercises while teaching them a few life skills. 

 Jayden, the son of our hosts, is too adorable for words. Seriously, he melts the heart of everyone he meets. He is a man of the community just like his father.

 Jayden watching as the boys begin to play soccer. 

 It was really really muddy. It poured with rain every afternoon we were there. I loved the thunder and lightening but didn't so much enjoy standing outside watching soccer in the rain....

....hence the awkward missionary/village/freezing cold fashion. Finally, by the third day of being ridiculously cold, I put away my pride and dressed to be warm instead of trying to look decent.

 We came hoping to find a bunch of youth eager to play soccer. We were told there were many but quickly learned that they only come if there is something they will get out of it (like a ball, blankets, gifts). So our method of reaching youth through soccer didn't work out so well. The show still went on and Kelvin did what he does best: love on youth and point them to Jesus. Here they are praying after practice. 

 We even brought some swanky cones and balls for them to practice with.

 A seriously cute kid! The best part is that he doesn't even speak english (even though his Mom is american)! They taught him swahili first which has kind of inspired me to learn so that my kids will be bi-lingual. 

 Kelvin utterly amazed me the whole week. He was in his element doing what God has created him to do best. It was so amazing to see my husband truly THRIVE in what he was doing. I was so so proud of him!!! 

We have committed to supporting a group of youth in the community. About 50 of them have formed a group where they come together to grow closer to God, grow closer to each other, support one another in their lives, create jobs and do income generating projects together. We hope to go again every couple months to mentor, train, walk alongside, and love on them. 

We couldn't go all the way to Eldoret and not go to Ilula to visit all the kids and my 'family'. We only spent one night but it was just enough to drink yummy chai, sing the latest hits with the girls, goof around with the young kids, and talk and laugh around the dinner table with the Ronos. To our surprise, Emmanuel picked us up in their 'new' car. We had quite the ride to the children's home. At one point a large piece of metal fell off the side of my door as we were sliding around in the mud. It felt so good to be home....

We are back in Mombasa and will be updating you with some exciting stuff soon!!

Eid is bringing back the memories

Eid Mubarak friends!

It's Eid al Adha, the Muslim holiday which celebrates Abraham's courage, faith, and obedience to God when he took his son Ishmael to be a sacrifice. Yes, his son Ishmael, not Isaac, like we Christians believe.

For me, this holiday brings me back to when I first moved to Mombasa. We had only been in the city for about 3 weeks and were having a really hard time adjusting. I woke up one morning only to find the eerie prayer calls going for hours and hours. Totally confused, I started getting text messages from Muslim friends wishing me a 'Eid Mubarak'. I was so baffled as to what was happening. It was all so new and surreal to me.

I was able to find an email I sent out to friends about the day. Here is a short passage that I wrote:


Lately I’ve been able to sleep through the loud and eerie prayer calls from the local mosques in the morning so when I woke up this morning at 4:30 I knew that they would be coming soon and that I wouldn’t be able to sleep through them. Well they started around 5 am and they played and they played and they played and they played some more. It wasn’t until about 7am that I decided to get out of bed and figure why they have playing for hours. I discovered that today is one of the biggest celebrations for muslims called Eid al-Adha.

I had to look up what the significance of this day is and this is what my book said, “This celebration commemorates the willingness of Abraham when he was asked to sacrifice his son Ishmael. Abraham showed his readiness and Al’ah was very pleased. A ram was sacrificed instead of Ishmael on Al’ah’s command.” Does that sound familiar? Muslims believe that it wasn’t Isaac Abraham offered to sacrifice but Ishmael. I also believe that this day celebrates the end of Hajj which is the 10 day period where the pilgrimage to Mecca is made. If muslims do their pilgrimage to Mecca during these 10 days, it is more significant than if they go at any other time of the year.

 Today, they will go to the mosque in the morning to do their prayers, fast all day, then slaughter a goat and feast on it tonight. I was walking around town today and there was definitely a different feel to the city. I ran into a friend of mine from the library who was trying to explain to me her excitement that she gets to go shopping They are supposed to buy new and fancy outfits to wear for the feast tonight. I had another friend who text messaged me first thing this morning to wish me a happy Eid day. I can see their excitement. This is a day where they get new clothes, get a wonderful meal, and get to spend time with their families.

Outside our house we usually find this large herd of goats. There must be about 25-30 of them that wander around out neighborhood. Lately, we haven’t been seeing them and I now understand why. Every mus.lim family in the world is supposed to slaughter a goat today if they have the means to. Now, that’s a lot of goats. My guess is that those goats were especially bred and kept for this day. As we walked through the streets yesterday, we could see goats tied up outside of everyone’s houses. And they all have green spots on them! I am not sure the reason for it but the entire city is filled with green goats! We will never see our little neighborhood goats again…

I have learned to love Eid. The beauty of living in a city that embraces two religions is that you get two sets of public holidays! We are not working today since most of our youth are muslims and are busy with Eid celebrations. Kongowea kind of shuts down. Even the Christians celebrate it.

I am not really sure if people really understand what they are celebrating. I think some just know that its Eid so they must celebrate.

For most people, celebrating means food! It's the one day they save up for to make biryani. And its YUM!

In fact, as I was in the middle of writing this post, we had a friend deliver a big pot of biryani to our front door! Guess what we are having for supper!?

Our prayer this morning was that our Muslim friends would seek God with all their hearts.

Because God promises that if you seek Him, you will find Him, the true God.

A Reminder

God tends to remind me that life is not all that bad just when I think things are falling apart.

I mentioned that our last two weeks have just been one thing after another. And it has yet to stop. For example, after finishing the injections in my buttocks, I woke up with a terrible head cold that quickly turned to fever/cough. Thankfully, I woke up feeling a thousand times better this morning and actually had some energy to get out of the house. But I also discovered that my hot water kettle (that I only bought 6 months ago) plus the large fluorescent light bulb in my kitchen have both decided to fritz out on me. And those aren't cheap to replace. Then we discovered yesterday that one of our boys, who we had helped with some medical issues, actually took the money we gave him for medication and used it to pay rent. He has been avoiding us for months and finally came to fess up to Kelvin yesterday. Unfortunately, he came in desperation for more money since he was now being kicked out of his house and still hadn't taken the medication. Kelvin denied as he didn't have any money and now we are confused on how to really help this guy.

You see, its not really huge, life altering things, it just seems to be one disappointment after another.

However, God gave me a reminder of His goodness today at church. Our youth pastor preached an awesome sermon. At one point, he was explaining a passage in the bible (don't remember which one - bad christian!) but then he paused and said,

"Don't get disappointed so easily. God is still working."

As simple as that, just don't get disappointed so easily. Keep moving on. Things will change. God is working. He is indeed there and does actually have good plans for me. Stop hanging your head, rolling your eyes, or getting downright upset over these small, insignificant things that happen.

Then our service leader thought it would be good to call up all the orphans in the congregation and pray for them. This was actually a very bad and embarrassing idea. The ones who stood up (there were many orphans who didn't out of embarrassment) were asked to come to the front to be prayed for. Again, it struck me in the gut that life is actually not so bad. Some are worse off than me. Some suffer constant disappointments and suffering.

 I tried so hard to fight back the ugly cry.

I am seriously SO SO blessed. Even when everything just keeps falling apart, I am STILL blessed. May I learn to focus on all the blessings and push through all the disappointments. 

What is man that You are mindful of him?

I sat down to read my daily devotions. Before I left Kenya, I arranged a bible reading schedule for all my girls in hopes that they will actually get into the Word themselves and it would unite us. Yesterday we were to read Psalm 8 and I did. The middle section really stuck out for me: 

"When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, 

The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, 

What is man that You are mindful of him, 

And the son of man that You visit him? 

For You have made him a little lower than the angels, 

And You have crowned him with glory and honour."

Psalm 8:3-5

It's the beginning of summer and being outside is simply delicious. The small town I grew up in is probably one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. The snow-capped mountains are full of evergreens and the convergence of two major rivers divides and conquers our town. It's truly majestic here. And it's ALL God's glorious creation! He did it all, He made it all, He thought and planned all of it, He maintains it all. So naturally I am in absolute awe as to why He is mindful of little ol' me? Tiny, frail, sinful, funny looking me. How majestic His creation yet He has made ME a little lower than angels and has crowned ME with glory and honour. He has even put all this stuff under my feet. Crazy, I know. 

Anyways, right after I finished reading this passage my brother asked if I wanted to take a walk. I said yes and off we went. 

 

My family kept telling me how high the river has gotten. It's the highest we have ever seen it. This fast flowing river used to be a small dirt road that attached the mainland to a small island. 

If you look closely, you can see that the water is almost overtaking the small bridge. Usually the water is at least 7-8 feet below the bridge. 

 Mark found a nice bench to sit on. 

 And then he decided to walk over the bridge. 

 For those who don't know, our house is actually located right on the river. Fortunately, there is a pretty large bank that separates us so there is no chance of flooding for us. Today, Mom and I decided to go veg in the sun on the new swanky deck/stairs my parents have built down to the river. This was my view.

Momma was on the next little landing.

I have not enjoyed the many creepy crawlers that come out this time of year. Its worse than the bugs in Mombasa. 

Here's me, just below the angels, bestowed with honour and glory - me!

6 months

We made it six months! Yes, 6 months ago today we made a covenant vow and became 1 forever and ever. He will never get rid of me! It seems like such an accomplishment. It is, really.  

Let me share with you some things that I have learned in my first 6 months of marriage:

1. Seeking to please God brings so much more joy than seeking to please my husband. I wash my husbands clothes because it is pleasing to God. I make my husband supper every night because it is pleasing to God. I create a wonderful home for Kelvin to come home to because it is pleasing to God. I must do these things to please God not just Kelvin. Because sometimes Kelvin doesn't even notice. I don't expect him to. The fact is that GOD is the one who grants me JOY in my obedience to Him. Most often it is in the small things like folding his clothes.

2. Forgive, forgive, forgive. Never in my life have I had to forgive so much. It's more than just saying 'I forgive you' when the other person apologizes. Forgiveness is letting them go without punishment.  Forgiveness is bearing the hurt of someone else's sin. Forgiveness is not holding grudges. Forgiveness is allowing God to heal you instead of seeking justice. Forgiveness is a choice that you can't wait till you 'feel' like doing it. Forgiveness is important to God.

3. Let it go. I have learned to let things go. Just let it go. Does it really matter? In the long run, does it matter that he used the hand towel in the bathroom to wipe the toilet? Does it matter that he forgot to bring tomatoes home so you have to change your meal? No, just do it and let it go. Let things go. Makes life easier for both of you.

4. Laugh. Smile. Delight. Laugh at his jokes even when they aren't fun. Laugh at his adorable character. Delight in his mannerisms. Smile when you greet him at the door when he comes home from work. Spend time together laughing. Delight in his quirks, find quirks to delight in. Answer him with smile. Talk on the phone to him with a smile. In general, be cheery and bring cheerfulness even if you don't feel like.

5. Surround yourself with other wives who you trust. I have been blessed to have some awesome women around me that I can look up to, talk to, confide in. It is so much nicer knowing that you are not alone in your struggles, joys, ups and downs in marriage. Many women go through the same things. I have found so much encouragement in the lovely wives around me.

6. PRAY for your husband. At the bridal shower I attended this weekend, the lady who was speaking to us said that, "Praying for our husbands is a neglected ministry." It's true. We wives need to get on our hands and knees and stand in gap for our husbands. Pray for every detail of his life: his friends, his decisions, his protection, his work, his walk with God, his health, his finances, his worry/fears/doubts, his love for us wives, his attitude, his mind, his responsibilities, etc. Pray, pray, pray!

I am sure that I have only scratched the surface of all things I will learn in marriage in my lifetime. I think that's the fun part though. It's a journey of learning, loving, and companionship. I am so excited for the rest of our lives!

My favourite night of the week

Wednesday evenings are my fav.

I started a small bible study with a handful of the girls in my saturday ladies group who were keen on learning more about the bible. I started my first week with only three girls. Now, we are in the fourth week and I have 7 girls. Yipee!!

I love it.

First of all, I love studying my bible. So many treasures in there. Greatest book ever!

Secondly, I love seeing my girls so interested in Jesus. They are so hungry to understand and know God. They have grown up in a society of pretty radical bible teachings (and teachers). Most of them don't even own their own bibles so they just soak up every word every preacher tells them without actually checking if it is true. Hence why they have the craziest ideas about God.

We have started really simple. We are learning the basics right now. But its been so wonderful watching it click for them. I can see it on their faces when the bible verse makes sense to them or one of their personal questions has been answered.

And trust me, they have A LOT of questions. Crazy questions that make me so angry at the people who are teaching them the craziest things.

One of them will ask a question like, "Is it true that God's spirits are more alert and awake to hear your prayers in the morning?" Then, before I get a chance to talk, they will all chip in their two cents. With this particular question, they all agreed that Yes, God will listen to us more closely in the morning. After they debated it amongst themselves, I stepped in and pointed them to scripture. I don't have to say much before it clicks and their answer is clear. I love that!!!

So I must go get myself ready to meet my precious ladies this evening. Our topic today is forgiveness.

Tumechoka

Tumechoka. We. are. tired. 

Just after taking this photo, Kelvin says to me, 

"Baby, you need to wipe all the sweat off your head. Your face is shiny." 

People, we are tired. Really tired. 

What do I mean by that? We are tired of just life. Kelvin and I both feel exhausted with everything - work, the boys, the ladies, the HEAT, mombasa, our church, the food, finances, and well, everything. 

This morning, Kelvin woke up with a sore throat and a stuffed nose. The fan is giving him so many troubles at night. The tough part is that the fan is so necessary. I woke up the second the power went out last night and immediately started sweating. In the mornings, I find that I wake up more tired and dehydrated than before I went to bed. Yes, the heat has been horrible. I mean horrible. (Canadians, don't even begin to complain about the snow and rain. At least you have the option of a warm house. We don't have cool air. Ever.)

Yesterday, I had a rough morning before heading to church (I believe it was the devil scheming). I was in tears as I was sweating, trying to muster up any energy, battling a heat headache, not able to find the right clothes to wear, struggling with my bra (yes, my bra), and general weariness. I am so glad I pushed through and went to church. Church was SO refreshing for both Kelvin and I. We really needed it. On the way home though, I was drained. I was so hot, still had my headache, tired, emotional, and tired. I got home and passed out on the couch. We didn't eat lunch till 4. 

We love our work, but we are a little tired of it. We love our house, but we are tired. Mombasa is great, but I am tired of it. I remember other missionaries telling me that after every 3 months, they start to get weary and tired and must get a away even if it is only for a couple days. That is where we are at. 

Every morning, as we are eating breakfast, we do a lent devotional which is preparing our hearts for Easter. As we are walking along with Jesus, as he walks in his final hours, we are amazed at His strength. Particularly, his weakest moment in Gethsemane has really struck us. The moment where He feels He can go on no longer and asks for this cup to be removed from Him. At that moment, He must have mustered up some supernatural strength from His Father above to say, "Yet not my will be done, but yours." He knows what is going to happen. He knows the cup won't be taken away from Him. But He draws strength from The Father to do what He is suppose to. 

Kelvin and I are tired. But in our weak moments, we have decided to draw our strength from God trusting that He will indeed grant us the rest we need and renew our energy. 

The way He places people in our lives...

Today I am thankful for the many people in my life and the way they bless me.

When I think about these people and how they came into my life and the relationships we have, I am amazed at the way God orchestrates our life.

Currently, two of my friends are donating to our youth as their 'party favours' for their wedding. These two ladies (and their future husbands) are sweet sweet friends to me and am so thankful that they have me in their minds as they plan their weddings. One of them entered my life in Gr.2 when I became best friends with her sister. The second one went to church with me, played basketball in some of the same camps as me, and is the cousin of one of my best friends. A darling girl who I adore.

On Wednesday, Kelvin and I are skyping a youth group that is considering sponsoring us. Two years ago, a friend from my church in Vancouver came to Kenya on a missions try. She took time to visit me in Mombasa and brought along some of her friends. One of these friends came back to Kenya last summer and came to see us. Now, he has been getting his youth group at home hooked on missions and is asking the leadership to sponsor us. Um, only God can orchestrate something like.

Finally, I had the most delightful evening with my two neighbours. Kelvin was the one who decided that we would move to this area. I didn't want to at the time. I didn't really know this area very well. The more I stay here, the more I am thankful for Kelvin's wisdom. Over the last year, I have made two good friends. These two ladies actually go to the same church as me but, because we live in the same neighbourhood, we get together often. We all stay at home (or work from home) so we are available at the same time. We all love eating sweet things and talking. We all like swimming, which is what we did this evening.

A friend of ours is in the management of a local hotel (another way God orchestrates our relationships) and he is gracious enough to let us swim (for free) for a few hours in the evening. I can't tell you how refreshing it is in this heat!!! So this evening, Eddah (neighbour #1) and I swam until Ndeal (neighbour #2) showed up with a photographer who was doing a photo shoot for her. Eddah and I  giggled and laughed as we held lighting props. The photographer shot a couple of us too. Some music in the hotel made for a good time showing off our various dance moves. The evening ended with the 3 of us sitting with the photographer and praying for the different needs in our lives. It was a great evening!

SO tonight, I am going to bed thankful for the way God moves people into my life.

My Grumbling to God

Yesterday I did some major grumbling to God.

I went to check up on the boys in school, something I haven't done since the before the wedding. Well, the very first school I went to was terribly disappointing. After speaking with the teacher (who, by the way, is lovely), she told me that my boy had not come to class for the first 3 weeks of the term. He told her that he was practicing too hard and that he was having issues with his sponsors. She also told me that he is quite proud. He eventually came to school but missed so many classes that he was going to meet her that afternoon and see how he can catch up.

I told them that practice can never be his excuse as he knows that school is way more important for us than soccer. And I mentioned that there is no issue with his sponsors, but rather he probably couldn't find transport to town (something which we don't provide).

I left the school so angry. I walked down the street grumbling to God, "Seriously?! Another one? What is happening with our boys God? Why all of a sudden are they giving us so many issues? What have we done wrong? I thought this is what you wanted me to do. I thought putting him into school was what you had asked me to do. Did I not hear you right? God am I not listening to you close enough? What do these boys really need from us? Why do we do so much for them and yet they just mess it up. UGH, Help me. Give me understanding. Work in their lives because, honestly God, I sometimes feel like giving up."

I grumbled all the way through lunch. Just thinking and asking God all sorts of questions. I spent the afternoon searching my bible and praying for any sort of wisdom. I just wanted answers.

I came home and told Kelvin the story. He wasn't surprised and just sort of shrugged it off. I am definitely the more emotional one. He said he will talk to him.

Well this morning, Kelvin and I were sitting in our office (which is suppose to be for our business but tends to be more of a counselling room with all the people that come in and Kelvin counsels) when our young man came in and sat down. I spent the morning and some of last night praying for him, that God would truly intervene. So I was anxious to see how this conversation would go.

Kelvin started talking to him about practice, home life, and school. We had been getting  many complaints about him in all these areas mostly concerning his very prideful nature. He listened attentively to Kelvin as Kelvin talked to him and asked him all these questions. He confessed that him not going to school was merely because of transport fees and nothing else. We then invited the mama that he stays with who is actually the mom to another one of our boys who we put in school on the other side of the country. She graciously took him in when he didn't have anywhere to go. She feeds him, gives him a roof over his head, and a place to rest his head all out of the goodness of her heart. But recently he had been quite disrespectful to her. So she came in and we all had a conversation. *Note: this was all happening in swahili so I didn't get all of it. She talked and talked and then Kelvin released her to go while he finishes up with our boy. Almost the second she left, he burst into tears. Yes, our notoriously prideful young man, was crying in the office.

Kelvin took this opportunity to tell him about Jesus. You see, we love our boys unconditionally. We want them to thrive in life and be amazing young men. We want to see them fed and fit. We want to see them be good husbands, fathers, friends. But above all else, we desperately desire for them to know Jesus. We don't discriminate them for their beliefs. We love the muslims just as much as the christians. But deep down, we want them to have a relationship with Jesus.

As Kelvin was talking, I was praying. Our young man sat staring at the floor, tears still dripping down his face. Kelvin eventually asked him if he wanted to have Jesus, and the boy nodded. Kelvin got him to pray and then Kelvin prayed over him as the tears still streamed down his face.

We were elated. God had moved in ways that I never imagined. God had heard all my grumblings to him. I thanked him. My heart was so full.

Kelvin explained that it will not always be easy. Living for Jesus does not always mean an easy road but the best part is that we have the greatest Best Friend in the whole world who is there to guide us, love us, save us, fill us, forgive us, and help us.

Asante Yesu. You are amazing.

I am resolving to....

I have never been one to make new year resolutions. I actually can't think of any that I have made...ever. So this year I didn't even bother thinking about it. Actually our new years celebrations included moving into our new apartment and passing out at 9:30pm with ear plugs in (so I couldn't hear any noise from the local pubs). However, there have been a few things rolling through my mind and that have been really pressed upon my heart to pursue this year. There are not so much tangible things (like lose 20lbs by the end of Jan) but are more lifestyle changes.

So here it goes.

1. Be a wife. I don't think I know what that all entails. I know I will make mistakes. I know that I will not be very 'wifey' sometimes. But I want to do the best that I can and figure out how this marriage thing is to work. Being less than 3 weeks married, Kelvin and I are just barely scratching the surface of married life. It's a big shift going from singledom (or being a spinster as my marriage license stated that I was) to the married world. I guess I just wanna keep my eyes focused on Jesus, submit to my husband, be the best helper and homemaker that I can be, and LOVE the Kelvinator with all that is in me.

2. Support my friends and family. I am not sure where this came from but right after the wedding, I felt a strong prompting to start focusing on the people around me. Over the years, I have had so many people support me. That doesn't just mean financially. But just 'being there' for me. Now, I want to 'be there' for my family and friends. I want to open my home to people who need a good chat, a free meal, a family atmosphere, or just a bed to sleep on. I want to attend funerals, graduations, birthday parties, and other events (like my friend Christine Ndela's listening party - will explain at the end). I want people to call me if they need help moving. I want to watch football games of our boys and visit their families and schools. I just want to 'be there' for the people in my life.

Last weekend we went to our good friend's, Senior, concert. He has a wonderful worship band and put on a worship session on January 1st. Once he realized we were there (as it is a shock for anyone to see us as everyone thinks we are 'busy' all the time), he was humbled. He even announced that we were there and asked Kelvin to come up and do the final prayer.

On Saturday we went to a funeral of one of the tenants in Kelvin's house. This particular lady was faithful in greeting me from her kiosk every time I walked through Kongowea. Unfortunately she died suddenly in her room last week and the funeral was on saturday. This wasn't my first choice of plans for the day (it was a beautiful day and we wanted to rent a car and drive around a little) but we felt we had to go. However, when we arrived, we were told that the burial happened 3 hours earlier than they thought it would so we missed the whole thing and she was already buried. Its practically unheard of that anything happens earlier than planned here in Africa.

And then yesterday we attend our good friend's, Christine Ndela, listening party. She is a famous musician here in Kenya and has just recorded her 2nd album. She gathered together her closest family and friends to preview the songs before she did the final editing for the album. She did a mini interview, sang a beautiful hymn and then let us listen to her album. Afterwards we celebrated with fresh mango juice, cake, and samosas. Can't wait to get a copy of that CD!

(Sorry about the dark lighting. I was too lazy to get up and find a good angle)

Our friend, Munga, did a little interview with her before we started listening to her music. It was wonderful to hear her heart and then journey it was to make this album. 

She gave us all these sheets to fill out as we listened to each song. We were to encourage her, give comments or critiques, and tell her what our honest opinions. I love that she sought the opinions and counsel of her close friends and family....although I didn't really understand any of the songs since they were all in swahili. I did my best. 

Can't wait for her to have her big album launch in a couple months! 

3. Bring Jesus into the centre of everything I do. A friend of mine posted this article on facebook just before new years. It really got me thinking. I am definitely one of these people that prioritize my life as 1. Jesus 2. Kelvin 3. Family 4. Work etc etc. And that is not bad but I find that often I put Jesus first yet don't know how to make Him the centre of everything else. What does it look like to put Jesus first in my home? Work? Marriage? I, especially, am good at reading, studying, preaching the bible. I have been in 'ministry' for a few years now. Yet, I struggle to bring Jesus into the other areas of my life. Or maybe I just don't what that looks like (maybe I am doing it). But that is my focus this year - to put Him at the centre. This year Kelvin and I will be working (yes, more of that venture later) and I want Jesus to work in and through me as we work. Yes, folks, a little new for me. I want Jesus to manifested in our workplace, in our daily chores, in our conversations, and in the small, seemingly mundane areas of our lives.

So now that these things are on the big wide web, I guess I am a little more accountable to them. I know I will fall sometimes. Yet I am excited to see His kingdom grow in and around me!

...and the two shall become one flesh.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,

 and the two shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

One flesh, that is what we are now. Hard to believe but so amazing. One of the we things learned in marriage counselling was the concept of 'oneness'. Kelvin and I are now one. And that doesn't mean just physically but emotionally, mentally, situationally, etc. We are to share in time, resources, emotions, material possessions, family, goals, aspirations, finances, etc. I love the 'oneness'. I love that I am no longer an independent person, but one that is attached to another human being on so many levels. It's nice to have a companion.

On to the wedding day...

It really is the day every girl dreams of. Mine was perfect. Of course there was hiccups but it didn't matter in the end. I loved every minute of it.

Some of the highlights of the day:

• having the groom and groomsmen come for breakfast. I know its tradition that the bride and groom don't see each other but Kelvin and his guys were staying in our new apartment that had nothing in  it except one bed. So I had my lovely ladies help whip up a nice breakfast for them. It was the perfect start to the day. 
• Relaxing (Yes, I was relaxed) at the resort with my family as we all slowly got ready. 
• Having my mother do my hair and make up. She cried for almost the whole process. 
• Walking down the aisle, listening to my friend play my song on the guitar, and having my dad hand me over to Kelvin. 
• The quick ceremony (practically unheard of in Kenya)
• All the colours. The garden we got married in was simply stunning. Add to that the mixture of people and all the different clothes, it was simply beautiful. 
• Being welcomed at the ceremony by more singing and dancing. 
• The food! It was amazing. 
• The cake was even better. 
• Seeing all our boys, looking their best, acting like princes at a fancy party. 
• Our first dance. (I was a bit nervous as it is a known fact that white people have no rhythm but I did pretty well. I think I shocked a few people). 
• Being surrounded by Kelvin's family, my family, and all our good friends all in one place. 
• The breeze off the ocean made it the perfect temperature. 
• Kelvin's aunties bringing us clay pots and Kelvin placing them on my head (still don't understand but it was so much fun). 
• DANCING! Yes, there was loads of good dancing. I remember just looking up and being surrounded by my good friends, my family, Kelvin's sweet siblings, and our boys as we all danced. I just delighted in having such wonderful people in my life celebrating all in one place. 
• The final hours. The party died down but the band kept playing. Our families and a few friends were the last ones there. I got to just sit and talk with my family while the band played and the breeze came off the ocean. The lights twinkled in the palm trees and a few souls were dancing. It was perfect. 
• Kelvin and I and Munga, the best man, were the last ones at the party after everyone left. We just chatted and winded down before Kelvin and I left together. 

I had 4 goals for the day: 

1. Get married 

2. Eat good cake 

3. Dance to good music 

4. Have fun.

I accomplished my goals, that's for sure. 

Instead of posting all the photos, my album is open on facebook. You can click here to see them.

Church with Girls and Eid ul Hajj

My prayer last week was to go to a girls school. I came home one day a little discouraged, after a game with the boys, and just craving to hang out with a group of girls. I prayed about it and even told Kelvin my desire. I absolutely LOVE hanging out with fiery, sweet, girly girls. It's rather ironic because I am totally not that kind of girl. But I love girls who are. 

On friday, I went to my regular bible study/youth service meeting that Word of Life puts on. At the beginning of the service, I overheard some people talking about how they are going to lead the service at Mama Ngina girls school this sunday. I didn't show it, but I SO wanted to go. Mama Ngina girls are so much fun, full of energy and zeal for God, and have hearts focused on pleasing Him. Anyways, throughout the service, I kept telling God how much I would love to go but only if He allowed it.

At the end of the service, my old boss from Word of Life pulled me aside and mentioned that they needed more girls to go and someone to do a testimony. Not wanting to show my sheer excitement, I said, "Sure. I would love to. Be there at 8am sunday."

The Mama Ngina girls didn't disappoint. 3 hours of song, dance, laughter, encouragement, love, testimonies, the Word of God and so much more. My heart was full that's for sure. After the service, Kelvin and I stayed behind and had some time to chat with a few of the girls. I value sweet conversations with young ladies who are putting God first in their lives. 

 Boy, can they ever sing and dance! I will try upload some videos I took of the service. The choir had come and sang an incredible song that sent goosebumps up my spine.

After the service, we headed for lunch in Kongowea. Sunday was a Muslim holiday which celebrated the end of Hajj, the 10 day pilgrimage every muslim is suppose to make to Mecca. With any Muslim holiday, you know there is going to be GOOD food.

And I was not disappointed. The family we went to eat with made amazing goat biryani, probably the best I have ever eaten before. And I am not usually a big fan of goat meat. 

However, the meal was about the only thing I like about the situation. It was rather uncomfortable for me. After the eating, everyone started pulling  out the alcohol, cigarettes, and miraa. Hmm, not my fancy. Kelvin and I were about the only ones who were participating. However, Kelvin had an advantage as he could speak swahili. He could connect. As for me, I struggled to connect. I don't drink, smoke, chew drugs, or speak swahili so I was a fish out of water. What made it worse was that a cousin of Kelvin's had brought along her much older, european fiance. He was a nice man but, in the midst of all this, the man was handing out money and supplying all the drinks for everyone. Again, not my style. The people were lovin' being showered with cheap pleasures while I sat in the corner, struggling to connect. 

I think was surprised me the most was that we were celebrating a muslim holiday and yet they were doing the most 'unholy' of things. I was chatting with one, who had just come from filling up on the local brew, about how he has to stop drinking, wait 40 days, and then go to a mosque because right now he is 'unclean'. He kept telling me how much work it is to stay 'clean' for allah. I took this opportunity to talk about Jesus and how He can make us 'clean'. The guy insisted he could do it himself. I then decided not to continue trying to reason with him, especially as I smelt the alcohol on his breath. 

It was tough for sure. Kelvin noticed I was struggling and suggested we leave. My heart hurt as these are the people I so desire to reach and yet we are so disconnected. Afterwards, Kelvin and I went to a local resort to listen to a live band. While sitting there, I burst into tears.  The fact is that this week has been hard. More  than usual, I have felt out of place and like I really just don't fit in. I have made various mistakes, had people laugh and mock me, and get heckled wherever I went. After a tough week, the tears overflowed Sunday night. I didn't need to be encouraged. I just needed to cry. 

Kelvin was great and listened to my cries. Soon, we started talking about ministry, work, Jesus, how to really help the poor, how to really follow Jesus, and how, most times, following Jesus means that life will be tough. It turned out to be a pretty awesome evening as we poured our hearts out to each other, listened to the local music, and allowed the breeze from the ocean cool us down. 

This is a brand new mosque that was right next to Mama Ngina girls school. Because it was a holiday, the mosques were full. On our way to church, Muslims were outside praying. Mosques were so full that people were praying on the streets.

Goats lined the streets. 

Everyone is suppose to kill a goat and I think they are suppose to give some of it away to the poor. I am not sure how many actually do that but its good in theory.

It was an overwhelming Sunday. I am thankful for a new week!!

'He will eat you!'

I was sitting beside the pitch yesterday, watching the boys practice, when two little sisters came up to me and struck up a conversation.

They didn't speak english but their swahili was simple enough that they could talk and I could understand and even respond a few words here and there. (Actually, at first they didn't think I was white. They thought I was a Kenyan because I could speak swahili back to them. At some point, a group of about 10 school came over to analyze me and see if I was truly a white person or if I was an Indian. It was quite humorous listening to them debate and watching them stare at me intently.)

I was reading a book that had a picture of a shepherd and a sheep on it. They asked me, "who is this?" I told them, "It's Jesus. Do you know Jesus?" The older girl said, "Ah yes. I am a Christian, Islam is not good."

I just smile and nodded.

Then the younger sister started asking about Jesus. The older one started to explain to her about Jesus, loving Him, and knowing that he is the only way to get 'up there' to heaven.

"And Satan?" the younger sister asked.

"He will eat you!" The older sister scolded her.

I burst out laughing. And so did the little girls.

Jack of all trades, Queen of none

Today I had a bit of a pity party.

I woke up and checked my online writing course only to find that my teacher was thoroughly displeased with my latest assignment. I was crushed. I thought the piece was fantastic and I had had some other writers think it was pretty wonderful as well. But this disappointing feedback really broke my heart.

I guess I thought I was decent at writing. Now writing is just proving to be incredibly difficult. For my instructor, my writing is always 'good', 'nice', 'ok'. But I want it to be 'great' 'fantastic' 'amazing'. I never get those kind of comments from my teacher or peers. I see others getting these praises and even better ones but never me.

This eventually spiralled my thoughts to this: Jack of all trades, Queen of none.

I actually didn't come up with that phrase myself but found it on a blog of one of my peers. This is how I have always been. I have been good at everything. There is not much that I can't do well(maybe with a little time and effort). I was always a really good basketball player, a good citizen, a good student, a good friend.

I have never really excelled in anything though. I have never been GREAT at one particular thing.

I am not sure being great at one thing, and lousy at other things, is better than being good at everything and great at nothing. But part of me just wants to be great...at anything.

As I was just wandering through some of my frequently visited websites, I came across a video on shelovesmagazine.com. It is called 'Obvious to you. Amazing to others.' The whole idea of the short video was that often we think others are amazing. They have an amazing talent, idea, gift, skill. We just wonder how they get these amazing things. But that person thinks that their idea, talent, gift, skill is no big deal to them. It is without thought. It is nothing special. It's like engrained in them. It comes naturally without effort. It's too obvious to them, but it's amazing to others.

What is obvious to me, but amazing to others? What are people amazed by when they think of me but I seem to think it is no big whoop?

Then it clicked.

I get the most praise for my heart, love, ability to survive, endurance, work, and compassion for Africa.

It seems like a strange talent or gift or skill. But that is my amazing.

Even yesterday I met with some other missionary friends who were amazed at how Kenyan I have become and how I utterly delight in my Kenyan life (most days) and the Kenyan people. I am constantly being told 'You are doing amazing things. I don't know how you do it Nikole. You have such a heart.' For me, my heart for African comes so naturally that I don't even think about it.

So I vowed to myself not to allow those thoughts of 'poor me', 'I have no talent', 'I am great at nothing' enter into my mind.

My next assignment for my writing class is to write a short bio about myself in less than 50 words. This is what I have so far:

Compassion is what moves Nikole to leave her small town in Canada and grow roots in Kenya. A laughing orphan, an empowered widow, a former street boy in school, a healed baby is what makes her thrive. She shares their stories hoping to inspire change, generosity, compassion, and love. 

Yup. That about sums up my amazing. 

He still died for me

I sat in my bed this morning, like usual, to spend my time with God. Recently, I have been working through a study from the book Bad Girls of the Bible by Liz Curtis Higgs. I am almost at the end of the study. The last Bad Girl we study is the sinful woman in Luke 7:36-50.

This is by far the most powerful woman I have studied in the bible. Over the last few days I have found myself almost in tears, my heart so moved by Love and compelled to worship. 

I was going through various verses in the bible that talk about how truly amazing our God's forgiveness is. I was led to a familiar verse. 

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

My study book asked me to put it in my own words so this is what I wrote: 

God loves me so deeply that, even though He knew that I would never stop sinning nor would I ever be worthy, He still sent Christ to die for my sins.

Jesus knew that I would never stop sinning when He gave His life for me. It is rare for someone to love someone so deeply to actually give up their life for that person. And if that is the case, the person they would be dying for is probably a pretty noble person. But oh no, Jesus died for all people whether they were worthy of it or not. Not only that He died knowing that they would never cease to sin. 

I am just in awe of God's great love for me. 

This compelled another thought in my mind concerning the young men we work with. 

There are days that I see them making huge leaps forward. Their behaviours are changing, they are more interested in Christ, they are becoming respectful and loving towards one another and their community, they are gaining hope and responsibility, and so on. 

But then there are days that I feel like they are going no where. 

This weekend we had a game in town. As the boys were getting dressed, Kelvin smelled marijuana. One of the boys was smoking (which we do not tolerate at all). He went over to where they were sitting and tried to see who it was but they all denied it. He came back to sit with me. I turned around towards the boys and saw a huge puff of smoke coming from behind a tree. I couldn't see who it was but some of the other boys could see. I told Kelvin and he went over again to try confront them but they all denied it. 

I was so hurt. We do so much for them and yet they have the guts to break the simple rules that we have made and lie to us? 

Then I found out today that one of them took some plastic cups out of Kelvin's bag and decided to take them home (they are the only cups that I own in my house). Seriously? Why must you steal my cups? 

One of our boys, who we put into school, has been skipping (for some legit reasons and some lazy reasons) and we have been notified that he has also been getting into marijuana. Ugh! 

It just hurts. After we put so much prayer, love, finances, time, effort and emotions into them. 

But then I think of what Christ did for me. He gave His entire life for me knowing that I would still sin against Him. It probably hurts Him too. 

And you know what baffles me even more? The fact that Christ knew that I would never stop sinning! Yes, I may become like Him but I will always hurt Him with my sins. 

I do all this for the boys with the hope that they will become amazing men of God. But I do not know if they will really turn out that way. And I wonder that if I knew what they would be like in 10 years, would I still do these things for them? If I knew that the one boy we put into school was going to end up being a drug dealer, would I still support him? I honestly don't know. 

But Christ did it for me. 

And that's amazing. 

Eggs and bunnies, parties and cheap drinks

The streets are buzzing tonight in Mombasa. I just got home from a simple, but powerful, Good Friday service at a local church. People are all over the streets. I can hear music blaring from the local bars and see people all dressed up in their hottest outfits. They are ready to party. It's easter for goodness sake. Isn't that when we are suppose to party??

Um, no.

Maybe celebrate, but not get sloshed at a beach party.

Over the past few days I have seen signs go up advertising the hottest easter beach parties offering cheap drink specials. Through chitter chatter with friends, I have heard of other parties and late night events that are happening around the area. I am sensing a theme, a trend, a tradition.

For many of us who grew up in the West, Easter was more about eggs (I am dying for cadbury mini eggs), turkey, family, a 4 day weekend, and, of course, the easter bunny. That is what Easter represents for the general public (including many christians). In Kenya, I am seeing Easter as a weekend off work to travel to see friends, hit up the hippest beach parties, and take advantage of the uber cheap drink specials. I even have a lot of Christian friends who are excited to partake of all the festivities.

Interesting how different cultures have come up with different ways to enjoy this holiday without having to believe the true meaning behind the holiday. They have made up their own reason for the season.

For me, I am laying low spending time reflecting on what really happened over 2000 years ago.

Tell somebody what the Lord has done for you...

Tell somebody what the Lord has done for you. Let them know, He's a God who cares....

Yesterday was a much better day. We got up and had a wonderful breakfast at my favorite coffee place in Nairobi. We then headed off to church. As we rounded the corner to church, a young street boy started following us asking us for some money. Normally, I just shrug them off (its hard to tell which ones are genuine and which ones aren't) but yesterday was different. As he was following us, my friend starting talking with him. Just as we approached the church gates my friend says in swahili, "Come on, let's go to church." The boy looked hesitantly at us. The boy began to explain to us that the guards at the church won't let them in the gates. They get shooed away when they try to go to church. That saddened me. Isn't a church suppose to be a safe place for all people not an elite place for the rich? Would Jesus turn the street boys away? I don't think he would. We assured him that he would get in because he was with us so my friend grabbed his hand and we walked through the gates with no questions asked.

We were a bit early for church so we stood outside and chatted with the boy for a while. We offered to take him for lunch after church but he kindly requested that we forgo lunch and instead buy him some food for his family. He explained to us that his parents were dead and his grandmother looks after him and his two sisters. His grandmother has no source of income so often they will have only one meal a day if she can gather something.His story broke our hearts. We were still being cautious because some of these kids do make up these stories just so that we would give them things. However, this boy seemed to genuine.

We entered the church and he sat in between us. The church service was amazing. It was so refreshing. My heart was so content as we danced and sang praises to our King in swahili. Reminded me why I love this place so much. The sermon was amazing. The pastor is a great teacher and theologian. I love listening to him. I kept looking down beside me at the young boy and was amazed at how attentive he was. I am pretty sure he could recite the whole sermon back to us if we asked him too; that is how focused he was on it. He even knew many of the songs and was singing along and dancing. He came out of the service with my appreciation. He told us how much he enjoyed it.


We then left and went for lunch. We ordered the boy a huge hamburger with fries and a coke. He was so appreciative. He gobbled it down so fast and left nothing on his plate. We had some time to just chat with him and learn a bit more about his life. After wards, we took him to the grocery store and filled up a basket of basic groceries for his family. You could tell that every time we put something in his basket, he was overwhelmed. We kept asking what he needed and I don't think he knew what to say. He was so overwhelmed and appreciative. He kept saying thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

It was time for us to leave him after we had spent the better part of our day with him. We gave him some money to get home. He turned to us and said,'Thank you and may God bless you very much'. It was so wonderful watching him walk away with a huge bag of food for his family. He was such a blessing to us.

The first song we sang at church said, "Tell somebody what the Lord has done for you. Let them know He's a God who cares..."

That's what I wanted the boy to know. I wanted him to know that God cares for him so deeply. I want him to go home and tell his family what God did for him yesterday and the way that God has not forgotten them. Because He hasn't.

The rest of the day was great. We had some friends stop by to visit me. Then in the evening, I was able to meet up an american friend that I had met when I was in Kenya in 2007. We chatted the night away in a local restaurant. It was so great.

I went to bed thanking God for reminding me why I love this country. Ok, there are still things that drive me crazy (like Kenyan immigration - had more issues with them this morning which made me want to pull my hair out) but for the most part, I really do love it here.