Our First Anniversary

It was our one year anniversary last Friday (December 21st). I had planned to write some lengthy, insightful, inspiring post about marriage and love and Kelvin and Jesus and other stuff but our day was hijacked by a slew of visitors and a long to-do list for our Christmas banquet. 

I spent a good part of our anniversary here....

...at the largest crocodile farm in Africa. 

With these great people....

 ...the Rono kids. 

Swido, Virginia, and Emmanuel were in town with a friend, boyfriend, and husband. We planned to all get together on Friday but once we were together, we couldn't figure out what to do so we split up. I took the girls and their men to the Mamba Village Crocodile farm and Kelvin took Emmanuel and his buddy Ryan to the beach. We all had a great time. I always love being with these great peeps. Swido has been gone for almost two years studying abroad so catching up with her was wonderful. The crocodile farm was interesting with a strong flare of cheesiness. It was kind of cool seeing over 10,000 crocodiles.

We eventually said goodbye to them and Kelvin and I went on a coffee date at Java House just to hang out together. We were completely wiped though and were starting to get sicko so it wasn't the most romantic date. 

 A friend asked me how our first year of marriage has been. I told her that it was kind of like a roller coaster ride. There were a lot of highs and lows and sharp twists and turns but at the end you get out and say, "that was awesome! lets do it again!".  I adore you Kelvin. Let's spend forever together. 

Top 5 Questions that I have been asked since being home

If I did a poll over the last two weeks, these would be the top 5 questions that people have asked me. I am blessed that I have so many people in my life and amazed that most of them really do care about me. Here they are: 

1. Q: Wow, you must be so tired and jet lagged from that journey. How long is it anyways? 

    A: As a matter of fact, I am exhausted but the jet lag ain't so bad. It took a full two days for me to get here. The journey was long (and pure torture for me who is a very nervous flyer). It was really expensive to fly through Europe so I had to connect in Qatar and then fly to Montreal which was a 12 hour flight. My flights home are even longer.

2. Q: Hmm, where exactly is Qatar?

(It has surprised me how many people don't know where Qatar is)

  

    A: It's a small country that looks like a little wart that pokes out of Saudi Arabia. Doha, the capital city is one of the coolest cities I have ever been there. Because I had a 10 hour layover, Qatar Airways actually paid for a hotel in the city for me to spend the night. It was all expenses paid for. Super cool! I almost wish I had more time there to explore. 

3. Q: So, how is married life? 

   A: It's wonderful. I really enjoy it. 

 (I want to expand a bit more on my married life but I don't think so many people are interested in all the details. There is SO much to married life and 'wonderful' doesn't quite sum it up)

4. Q: Do you miss Kelvin? 

    A: Terribly! I was ready to go back 3 days after I arrived......(then I get the unimpressed look from my parents.)

5. Q: How is it over there?

   This question has been hard to answer. What exactly is 'it'? Life, ministry, work, marriage, security, politics, what?? Really, I could talk to you for hours about all the 'its'. 

   A: It's not always easy, but I do love it. 

I only have a few more days here in Canada. Honestly, I am ready to get back. It has been harder than I though being away from Kelvin. I am not so sure I will come back again without him. 

Anyways, here are some crazy pics of my parents and I checkin' out the sculpture walk in Castlegar.

Anybody home?

 Let's ponder

 Wouldn't want to mess with this guy

This one was my favourite. If you look closely, you can see all the neat things the artist used. 

I didn't even know Castlegar had one of these crazy head things!

Surprise!!!! Ha, just kidding. I must have done a good job sticking out my gut because we had a friend drive by and ask how far a long I was.

6 months

We made it six months! Yes, 6 months ago today we made a covenant vow and became 1 forever and ever. He will never get rid of me! It seems like such an accomplishment. It is, really.  

Let me share with you some things that I have learned in my first 6 months of marriage:

1. Seeking to please God brings so much more joy than seeking to please my husband. I wash my husbands clothes because it is pleasing to God. I make my husband supper every night because it is pleasing to God. I create a wonderful home for Kelvin to come home to because it is pleasing to God. I must do these things to please God not just Kelvin. Because sometimes Kelvin doesn't even notice. I don't expect him to. The fact is that GOD is the one who grants me JOY in my obedience to Him. Most often it is in the small things like folding his clothes.

2. Forgive, forgive, forgive. Never in my life have I had to forgive so much. It's more than just saying 'I forgive you' when the other person apologizes. Forgiveness is letting them go without punishment.  Forgiveness is bearing the hurt of someone else's sin. Forgiveness is not holding grudges. Forgiveness is allowing God to heal you instead of seeking justice. Forgiveness is a choice that you can't wait till you 'feel' like doing it. Forgiveness is important to God.

3. Let it go. I have learned to let things go. Just let it go. Does it really matter? In the long run, does it matter that he used the hand towel in the bathroom to wipe the toilet? Does it matter that he forgot to bring tomatoes home so you have to change your meal? No, just do it and let it go. Let things go. Makes life easier for both of you.

4. Laugh. Smile. Delight. Laugh at his jokes even when they aren't fun. Laugh at his adorable character. Delight in his mannerisms. Smile when you greet him at the door when he comes home from work. Spend time together laughing. Delight in his quirks, find quirks to delight in. Answer him with smile. Talk on the phone to him with a smile. In general, be cheery and bring cheerfulness even if you don't feel like.

5. Surround yourself with other wives who you trust. I have been blessed to have some awesome women around me that I can look up to, talk to, confide in. It is so much nicer knowing that you are not alone in your struggles, joys, ups and downs in marriage. Many women go through the same things. I have found so much encouragement in the lovely wives around me.

6. PRAY for your husband. At the bridal shower I attended this weekend, the lady who was speaking to us said that, "Praying for our husbands is a neglected ministry." It's true. We wives need to get on our hands and knees and stand in gap for our husbands. Pray for every detail of his life: his friends, his decisions, his protection, his work, his walk with God, his health, his finances, his worry/fears/doubts, his love for us wives, his attitude, his mind, his responsibilities, etc. Pray, pray, pray!

I am sure that I have only scratched the surface of all things I will learn in marriage in my lifetime. I think that's the fun part though. It's a journey of learning, loving, and companionship. I am so excited for the rest of our lives!

A small glimpse into my week

It's Monday, the start of a new week. So far this morning I have spent a few hours trying to mop up all the dust and dirt and other yuckies around my house. We have a tiny house that seems to get so dirty so quickly. I guess it doesn't help much that there is a huge building project in our backyard that is creating hoards of dust. Sometimes I can see the streams of dust floating through the window. On the bright sigh, it is a delightful overcast day. Mombasa is finally cooling down. 

Anyways, here are a few shots of my week. I have been terrible at communicating and taking pictures in the past few weeks. I promise to try harder. 

The moon

I sat in awe as I watched the moon rise high above the boys as they practiced one night. The boys are back on track with practicing. They won their first game of the league on Saturday. I wasn't there but I heard they were elated and celebrated with vuvuzela's and lots of chanting/singing. 

Groove

Last sunday, the biggest concert in the nation came and did its final show in Mombasa. The Groove tour sets up stages all across the country and profiles the hottest gospel music artists in the country. In Kenya, more often than not, the top songs on the charts are all gospel tunes. It's pretty rad although I feel sometimes we've lost the art of 'worship music'. But at least the lyrics are somewhat clean and holy...

Security was tight with threats of terrorists and such. We went through 4 different security guards just to get through the gates. Once inside, police and security were everywhere, including some 'hidden' police mingling amongst the crowds. With thousands of people inside, they did a pretty good job on the security front. No bombs. That's always a good thing. 

Kelvin and I got cozy in the back sitting on the bleachers in the shade. We totally enjoyed ourselves. I loved seeing some of our boys and some of the ladies. The concert was FREE and close to Kongowea. My heart was happy seeing them enjoying themselves. 

Cooking adventures


My new resolution is to cook nicer food at home and eat out less. Eating out adds up and I can make yummier, cheaper food at home. So this week saw me make pizza, baked chicken, toasted cheese, pumpkin cookies, coconut meat stew and pasta alongside the usual rice, beans, ugali, and sukuma.

I had been wanting to learn to cook the local pilau for a while now. From what I had heard, it was fairly easy and pretty cheap. One of my ladies, Susan, offered to take me home after our meeting on Saturday to teach me how. We giggled the whole way through the process and ended up making some pretty delicious pilau. It passed my husbands standards which is really what I strive for. The real test will be when I try cook it myself at home.

Missin' my Momma 


Yes, Mother's day really made me long for my momma. These are the days I wish I was closer and could celebrate my mother the way she deserves. Good thing I have a pretty rad brother who managed to treat my mom to a nice dinner and her favourite flowers. I did manage to squeeze in a short Skype date with mom in the morning. Thank the Lord for Skype. I wasn't the only one longing for my mom. Neema was practically trying to scratch her way through the screen to get to her.

Journalling


A dear wife/friend/mentor of mine recently encouraged me to start journalling. I used to journal a lot in Kenya mostly because everything was so new and cool and noteworthy. Now I am used to life so it doesn't seem to be worth writing down. But I bought this cute little notebook (that a friend makes and sells for super cheap) and have been writing almost every day. It's been really relaxing to just sit and write openly and honestly about whatever is on my mind.

A new schedule


When we came back from our trip, we knew that we needed to shift some things around in our life and focus on what's really important. The last few months were hard as we tried to balance starting a business, working with the youth, and focusing on being newly married. So now Kelvin has trained one of our boys to manage the business for a few hours in the day leaving us with the mornings together. It has made such a huge difference! We wake up slowly and eat breakfast together while watching our favourite morning shows. We clean up, spend some time reading God's word and just hang out. Sometimes we watch a movie or just talk. Around noon I start preparing lunch and after that Kelvin heads out. He gets what needs to be done in the office before he goes to practice with the boys. I usually plan something for the afternoon. I have been actually heading to Kongowea more to meet up with my ladies one on one. Then we come back home together in the evenings, cook supper, and relax.

This new schedule has not only helped our relationship but also the youth we work with. We find we have more time and energy to pour into them which is what they really need most. It is also what makes us thrive too!

I am grateful the way God has worked it all out.

As for this week, we are still busy. Tonight I am headed to Kongowea to meet with one of my ladies and take some head shots of the boys for a fundraiser happening in Canada. Then the rest of the week is filled with wedding meetings, visiting, bible studies, office work, and, well, sweet time with those who matter most.

The first meeting

I remember seeing a dark shadow walking down the dark hallway. My first thought was that he was short and walked with a kink. Rahab (my beloved friend) had just introduced herself to me and welcomed me to Word of Life. Cheery and welcoming as she always is, she offered to take me around and introduce me to people. She was closing the kitchen door when the dark shadow appeared into the light.

"This is Kevin. Or o-pie-o!" she introduced (yes, Rahab was actually the one who introduced us). They all laughed. I didn't get it.

We all sat on some rocks right near the kitchen and told stories. They made the effort to speak in english but I still didn't say much. They replayed the funny parts on their favourite tv show and burst into laughter. I didn't think it was funny. I remember wondering why Kelvin was laughing so much...it wasn't funny. I didn't think much of him. Nice to meet him. That's it.

A half hour later he invited me to watch the tv show they were all talking about. He practically peed himself in the corner while I still struggled to understand why it was funny. It was nice he was making the effort to make me feel welcome.

I forget the rest of the night but it was the start of the most confusing yet wonderful 3 weeks of my life.

I was going through a confusing time in my life and just wanted to hear from God. I just wanted to reconnect with Him. I was so hungry for some direction from my heavenly Father. But over the next week, I developed the strangest attraction to Kevin or Calvin (took me a while to figure out it was Kelvin). I prayed, repented, and begged God to get my focus away from him. I felt like I was in eight grade again and got butterflies every time my crush passed by my locker.

A week and a half later, we found ourselves in the office chatting after a long day of camp. By the morning, we had literally decided to get married.

Yes, we decided to. We had feelings for each other but it was more of an intellectual decision.

When I look back, it was truly crazy. But I am so thankful for that conversation. Because honestly, I think I would have let Kelvin slip away if I hadn't made a crazy commitment of marriage to a man I barely knew.

I had doubts. We both did. But we both drew near to God and He kept urging us to have faith in the way He directs our steps.

That was 3 years ago this week. March 31st was the day we met. April 7th was the day he took me for an innocent scoop of ice cream. April 10th was the day we decided we would get married.

I remember being so uncertain.

But am I ever glad I had an ounce of faith in me. Cause just look at us now.

I am resolving to....

I have never been one to make new year resolutions. I actually can't think of any that I have made...ever. So this year I didn't even bother thinking about it. Actually our new years celebrations included moving into our new apartment and passing out at 9:30pm with ear plugs in (so I couldn't hear any noise from the local pubs). However, there have been a few things rolling through my mind and that have been really pressed upon my heart to pursue this year. There are not so much tangible things (like lose 20lbs by the end of Jan) but are more lifestyle changes.

So here it goes.

1. Be a wife. I don't think I know what that all entails. I know I will make mistakes. I know that I will not be very 'wifey' sometimes. But I want to do the best that I can and figure out how this marriage thing is to work. Being less than 3 weeks married, Kelvin and I are just barely scratching the surface of married life. It's a big shift going from singledom (or being a spinster as my marriage license stated that I was) to the married world. I guess I just wanna keep my eyes focused on Jesus, submit to my husband, be the best helper and homemaker that I can be, and LOVE the Kelvinator with all that is in me.

2. Support my friends and family. I am not sure where this came from but right after the wedding, I felt a strong prompting to start focusing on the people around me. Over the years, I have had so many people support me. That doesn't just mean financially. But just 'being there' for me. Now, I want to 'be there' for my family and friends. I want to open my home to people who need a good chat, a free meal, a family atmosphere, or just a bed to sleep on. I want to attend funerals, graduations, birthday parties, and other events (like my friend Christine Ndela's listening party - will explain at the end). I want people to call me if they need help moving. I want to watch football games of our boys and visit their families and schools. I just want to 'be there' for the people in my life.

Last weekend we went to our good friend's, Senior, concert. He has a wonderful worship band and put on a worship session on January 1st. Once he realized we were there (as it is a shock for anyone to see us as everyone thinks we are 'busy' all the time), he was humbled. He even announced that we were there and asked Kelvin to come up and do the final prayer.

On Saturday we went to a funeral of one of the tenants in Kelvin's house. This particular lady was faithful in greeting me from her kiosk every time I walked through Kongowea. Unfortunately she died suddenly in her room last week and the funeral was on saturday. This wasn't my first choice of plans for the day (it was a beautiful day and we wanted to rent a car and drive around a little) but we felt we had to go. However, when we arrived, we were told that the burial happened 3 hours earlier than they thought it would so we missed the whole thing and she was already buried. Its practically unheard of that anything happens earlier than planned here in Africa.

And then yesterday we attend our good friend's, Christine Ndela, listening party. She is a famous musician here in Kenya and has just recorded her 2nd album. She gathered together her closest family and friends to preview the songs before she did the final editing for the album. She did a mini interview, sang a beautiful hymn and then let us listen to her album. Afterwards we celebrated with fresh mango juice, cake, and samosas. Can't wait to get a copy of that CD!

(Sorry about the dark lighting. I was too lazy to get up and find a good angle)

Our friend, Munga, did a little interview with her before we started listening to her music. It was wonderful to hear her heart and then journey it was to make this album. 

She gave us all these sheets to fill out as we listened to each song. We were to encourage her, give comments or critiques, and tell her what our honest opinions. I love that she sought the opinions and counsel of her close friends and family....although I didn't really understand any of the songs since they were all in swahili. I did my best. 

Can't wait for her to have her big album launch in a couple months! 

3. Bring Jesus into the centre of everything I do. A friend of mine posted this article on facebook just before new years. It really got me thinking. I am definitely one of these people that prioritize my life as 1. Jesus 2. Kelvin 3. Family 4. Work etc etc. And that is not bad but I find that often I put Jesus first yet don't know how to make Him the centre of everything else. What does it look like to put Jesus first in my home? Work? Marriage? I, especially, am good at reading, studying, preaching the bible. I have been in 'ministry' for a few years now. Yet, I struggle to bring Jesus into the other areas of my life. Or maybe I just don't what that looks like (maybe I am doing it). But that is my focus this year - to put Him at the centre. This year Kelvin and I will be working (yes, more of that venture later) and I want Jesus to work in and through me as we work. Yes, folks, a little new for me. I want Jesus to manifested in our workplace, in our daily chores, in our conversations, and in the small, seemingly mundane areas of our lives.

So now that these things are on the big wide web, I guess I am a little more accountable to them. I know I will fall sometimes. Yet I am excited to see His kingdom grow in and around me!

...and the two shall become one flesh.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,

 and the two shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

One flesh, that is what we are now. Hard to believe but so amazing. One of the we things learned in marriage counselling was the concept of 'oneness'. Kelvin and I are now one. And that doesn't mean just physically but emotionally, mentally, situationally, etc. We are to share in time, resources, emotions, material possessions, family, goals, aspirations, finances, etc. I love the 'oneness'. I love that I am no longer an independent person, but one that is attached to another human being on so many levels. It's nice to have a companion.

On to the wedding day...

It really is the day every girl dreams of. Mine was perfect. Of course there was hiccups but it didn't matter in the end. I loved every minute of it.

Some of the highlights of the day:

• having the groom and groomsmen come for breakfast. I know its tradition that the bride and groom don't see each other but Kelvin and his guys were staying in our new apartment that had nothing in  it except one bed. So I had my lovely ladies help whip up a nice breakfast for them. It was the perfect start to the day. 
• Relaxing (Yes, I was relaxed) at the resort with my family as we all slowly got ready. 
• Having my mother do my hair and make up. She cried for almost the whole process. 
• Walking down the aisle, listening to my friend play my song on the guitar, and having my dad hand me over to Kelvin. 
• The quick ceremony (practically unheard of in Kenya)
• All the colours. The garden we got married in was simply stunning. Add to that the mixture of people and all the different clothes, it was simply beautiful. 
• Being welcomed at the ceremony by more singing and dancing. 
• The food! It was amazing. 
• The cake was even better. 
• Seeing all our boys, looking their best, acting like princes at a fancy party. 
• Our first dance. (I was a bit nervous as it is a known fact that white people have no rhythm but I did pretty well. I think I shocked a few people). 
• Being surrounded by Kelvin's family, my family, and all our good friends all in one place. 
• The breeze off the ocean made it the perfect temperature. 
• Kelvin's aunties bringing us clay pots and Kelvin placing them on my head (still don't understand but it was so much fun). 
• DANCING! Yes, there was loads of good dancing. I remember just looking up and being surrounded by my good friends, my family, Kelvin's sweet siblings, and our boys as we all danced. I just delighted in having such wonderful people in my life celebrating all in one place. 
• The final hours. The party died down but the band kept playing. Our families and a few friends were the last ones there. I got to just sit and talk with my family while the band played and the breeze came off the ocean. The lights twinkled in the palm trees and a few souls were dancing. It was perfect. 
• Kelvin and I and Munga, the best man, were the last ones at the party after everyone left. We just chatted and winded down before Kelvin and I left together. 

I had 4 goals for the day: 

1. Get married 

2. Eat good cake 

3. Dance to good music 

4. Have fun.

I accomplished my goals, that's for sure. 

Instead of posting all the photos, my album is open on facebook. You can click here to see them.

I'm Back!

I am back online! Did you miss me?! .... Yah, didn't think so. 

I am not sure exactly where to start. Should I tell you about taking my mother to Eldoret to meet all my precious sisters and brothers? Or how she spent hours pruning the passionfruit plants while I got to have precious girl talks with the high school girls? Maybe I should mention that I messed up my best friend's flight arrival time and thought I had lost her in the airport? I wish I could describe my delight seeing all my family (including my Kenyan Family, the Ronos) at the pitch cheering on our boys as they played in the semi finals. Or the sounds of traditional singing and bright colours that welcomed me to Granny's house as they covered my head and ushered me into my own room where my whole family ate fresh goat pilau. Of course, the wedding day must be mentioned from my mother doing my hair and make-up to Dad walking me down the aisle and handing me over to Kelvin to the 'I do's' and the kiss to the yummy food and dancing till the sun went down on the Indian Ocean. Couldn't have asked for a better day. Then we had the the mini honeymoon which we loved;) but family time was the greatest. Lots of card playing, drinking coke, swimming, picking on each other, laughing, and quality family time. Goodness! I almost forgot the boys christmas gifts! Too bad I missed it. Was stuck at the bank but let my family do the honours. Such is life. And now I am nestled in my lovely new apartment, catching up on emails, eating all the yummy treats my family left behind (Doritos, Reese's pieces, energy drinks, cheese, and Mini Eggs) and waiting for my husband to come home.

It was a phenomenal month to say the least. As the days go by, I will add pictures and more stories about all that has happened.

I am blessed beyond belief. This whole month taught me truly how much God loves me, how valuable I am to Him, how He loves to shower me with good things, and how He is always faithful.  This past year has been one of my best (but not without its fair share of struggles) and I think I have ended on a high note.

Kelvin and I sat this morning and talked about our favourite moments this year (but we couldn't mention anything from the last month). We revelled in the ways God has used us in Kongowea and were amazed to see how some of our boys are now interning for big companies and turning their hearts to God. We looked at the ways we have grown as individuals and as a couple. I have learned to cook Kenyan food (and absolutely love it too!) which was a HUGE thing for me as well as learning to take care of a household. Kelvin is grateful that God has given him the means to fulfil his role as leader or provider in a deteriorating economy and practically jobless country. And how we have both stretched and grown closer to God's image. And we have loved God with all that is in us.

Happy New Year everyone!

Wedding Thoughts

Here is just a random mix of thoughts that are running through my head concerning my wedding:

• I am less interested in the wedding but more focused on getting married. If at the end of the day, I am married to Kelvin I will be a happy lady. 
• I am sure that people in Kongowea are more excited for my wedding than I am. It is the buzz in the community. Talk of the town. Women are fussing more over what they are going to wear, how they are going to do their hair, their jewelry, their make up than I am. You would think Kelvin is some sort of politician with all this hype. If we didn't make it an 'invitation only' wedding, I think we would have 600 people there. No jokes. 
• Speaking of invitations, they seem to be a major issue. Everyone we meet is asking for their 'card'. We  have issued all the cards so if you didn't get one, you can't come. Period. So please don't fuss. We invited 320 (yes...320) of our closest friends and family. If you weren't invited, that means you are probably not as close to us as you think. Another thing, please don't ask for a card for you teacher, pastor, friend, etc. I had my sister-in-law tell me I need to invite the teacher of my other twin sisters. I said NO. 
• We even have people who are willing to pay for their friends to get into the wedding. We have to keep a strict number because we are paying per head (which isn't usually done here). Once we explain that, we have people who are offering to pay for their friend's to get in. 
• We have invited all of Kelvin's family from upcountry (trust me, they are an army of people themselves) but we are not providing their transport, a place to stay, or a new outfit for them. Because of these 3 factors, most of them won't come. But we still get calls from them asking for money to come. I am blessed to have an awesome mother-in-law who totally agrees with us and doesn't even push us to hand out more money. She is not even allowing her own family to stay with her in Mombasa. I am so thankful for her. 
• People are admiring how 'simple' our wedding is. We are not doing some key Kenyan things like decorating the cars or hiring professional make up artists or wearing excessive jewelry. We have also decided to put a big bowl of candy as our centre pieces. Never heard of here in Kenya. I love it. 
• We got our wedding song the other day and Kelvin can't stop listening to it. Honestly, I have fallen in love with it too. The local band we have wrote the song especially for us. It has our names, our parents names, our hometowns and everything. LOVE IT! 
• I love being called 'Bibi Harusi'. I will miss that once I am married. 
• Prayers are being offered all over the place for us. My sister-in-law told me yesterday how her church just finished 3 days of fasting and prayers for our wedding (meaning they didn't eat or drink for 3 days because of us). Part of me is so humbled, but part of me thinks it is a little crazy. 
• I am no longer going to fuss over whether or not my bridesmaid dresses are going to fit properly. I am making all of them even for 2 girls from Canada. Because we didn't get measured properly by the fundi who is making them, they could very well not fit well. However, I was at a wedding yesterday and saw that the majority of the clothes the women were wearing did not fit them properly. It worked and no one cared. 
• Our marriage license has costed 6 times more than we thought it would. With all the special letters we had to get, my trip to Nairobi to the embassy, a special license to marry outside, a special license to marry a kenyan and a foreigner, and all the other small details, we probably could have put a down payment on a house. Ok, not that extreme but it was a lot of money. 
• As we sat at the registrar's office to get our license approved, we watched countless young black ladies and white old men come in and get married. Some looked like they were in love, but many looked like it was just convenient. I was just so thankful for my relationship with Kelvin. 
• Kelvin has been my hero through all of this. When people ask me if I am stressing over the wedding, I can honestly say No. But that's because Kelvin is doing most of the work. He is dealing with everyone who is being fussy, he is making all the small arrangements, he is calm, cool, and collected. I am so excited to be his wife!

Overwhelmed

Where to start...

Life has been overwhelming the last couple weeks. It has been hard but also it has been incredibly joyful and exciting. I am overwhelmed in a good way. 

First of all, I am reading a book that has rattled me up. The Hole in the Gospel is written by the president of World Vision. It is an account of how he accepted God's calling for him to take the position even though he had a high end CEO job. Then he talks extensively about what is happening in the world. The reality of poverty, war, disease, hunger, corruption, etc. That's about when I started to feel overwhelmed with hopelessness. There is SO much need, so how do you even begin to make a difference? How are we so oblivious to what is going on in the world? The West is so disconnected from it. I spent hours reading and my heart shattering into tiny pieces for how little we are helping people who literally HAVE NOTHING. I live in Africa and try to help the poor but even I feel like I don't do enough. (By the way, the book has totally convinced me not to buy a washing machine. I would rather pay some struggling single mother to wash my clothes. I actually tried to compromise and say I would pay someone to put them in my washing machine.) Eventually the author started to turn things around and offered encouragement to me, hopeless at that point, that I was not called to save the world but to obey Jesus and what He has asked me to do for the people He loves. I am called to be His hands and His feet, His love and His compassion, for those who are suffering. I think I am on my way there.

I still haven't even finished the book. I still have about a third left to read. 

Next, Kelvin and I have started marriage counselling. I am personally loving it. I am overwhelmed at the way God has designed marriage and what purpose it has. I am overwhelmed that God's gift to me is Kelvin, an amazing, loving, handsome, God-fearing, man. I am overwhelmed at how hard marriage and relationships can be especially as we strive to obey Jesus' commands to love, respect, submit, forgive, stay committed to one another for the rest of our lives.  I am in awe of my Creator, that's fo' sho. 

On that same note, wedding plans are coming along well! Only 7 more weeks to go! We are having some issues with the invitations. People are just not understanding that, if you are not invited, don't come. We didn't  give you a card for a reason. We have had numerous people ask us if they can bring their coaches, neighbours, teachers, and other people. NO! is my answer. People keep calling us asking for their invitation, as if we have forgotten it or it got lost. If you didn't get a card, it probably means you weren't invited. It sounds harsh but, at this point, I have to be. 

We have also found the apartment that we are going to move into once we are married!! It is a sweet little one bedroom place just up the road from where I stay now. Currently they are re-painting it and getting it all fixed up for Kelvin to move into it in December. After the wedding, I will join him! It has 24 hour security and bars on all the windows (my top priority) and flowing water (my second top priority). Gosh, 7 weeks can't come soon enough. 

On to the boys...

There are days where I am super excited about them and some days I am so frustrated. 

I am personally struggling to connect with the boys on a deeper level. My relationships with them are very surface level. Language is a barrier as not all of them can speak in English. I think the fact that I am white and I am a girl puts a bit more of a divide between us. And then I am more of a matronly/motherly figure. They have a lot of reverence for me. I bring most of the finances and they know that without me, Kelvin really can't do what he does for them. I guess it is not a bad thing. I think I like the respect and reverence they have for me. But sometimes I just wish to connect a little bit more. On the other hand, kelvin does an amazing job with them. They just adore him. I have no idea how he does it, but they respect and honour him to no end. 

We are having issues with one of them in particular. It's hard when you do so much for him and then he turns around and hurts you for no reason at all. I guess you expect him to change but that doesn't always happen. His issues are so much deeper than we understand or have the capabilities to deal with. We are just praying for guidance in how to deal with the one that has strayed. 

But then there are some who are making huge leaps forward and, if I dare say, are becoming some pretty awesome human beings. 

And I have been overwhelmed by the response to our call for Christmas gifts! People are stepping up from everywhere to bless these young men. I am so looking forward to doing some shopping for them! Thank you all!!! Asanteni Sana!

Then there is always the joys and tribulations of everyday life. Yesterday, I had a rough time at the pitch watching the boys play. I just got so much unnecessary attention from everybody around that it was exhausting and draining for me. I am white. So!? However, I am looking forward to a great afternoon with a good friend, chatting and chomping on home made cookies. Simple everyday blessings. 

All in all, I am overwhelmed. But oh so thankful for all that is going on in my world. 

Wedding Bliss!

It's the day so many girls dream of, me included.

I always had this idea of how I thought my wedding would be. I knew the type of dress I wanted, what the cake looked like, who my bridesmaids would be, where I would go on honeymoon, where the wedding would take place, what my engagement ring would look like, etc, etc.

Now that I am actually at that stage in my life, I really don't care so much about all that stuff.

Nothing I had imagined has actually come true (although later on in life I said that I would love to get married in Africa). I never thought I would actually marry an african. My ring looks much different than I thought it would but now that I have it, I realize it's perfect. None of the bridesmaids I thought would be standing next to me will be there. My colours are navy blue and baby yellow which doesn't quite match the red rose pedals on my cake that I dreamt of having. I don't think I wanted to get married on the beach (I actually wanted a village wedding).

I am in the middle of doing all the planning. It's been tons of fun. My bridal shower is coming up in a couple weeks. Invitations are ready. Venue is booked. Wedding dress shopping will be done next week. Honeymoon is still to be decided.

But can I tell you what I am really excited for?

Getting married.

I am so excited to be a wife! To share life with my best friend, to have a constant companion to do life with, to watch God use our relationship for His glory, to hang out with the Kelvinator all the time.

As much as the wedding is going to be an amazing day of celebration, I am really excited for the marriage.

My husband to be

I guess it is about time that I write about the most exciting event that happened in my life this year. 

Just about two years ago, I met this young man. After one of the most trying times in my life, I had come to an amazing place with God. He had showed me His heart for me and the path that He wanted me to take. A few weeks later, He brought Kelvin into my life. It was unexpected (and honestly I vowed that I would never marry a kenyan). But as we continued to get to know each other, it was very clear that we had strong feelings for one another. On top of that, God had given us practically the same dreams and visions for our lives. I remember him explaining to me exactly what he wanted to do with his life and it lined up almost perfectly with what God had just revealed to me. 

Since then we have been two peas in a pod. We have gone through a lot between us being separated for months while I went home to struggling with people who are not so excited for us to working through cultural issues. But we have Loved harder than I think I ever have in my life. He is a friend to my soul, my other half, and soon to be husband! 

He proposed to me on my birthday. He took me on a romantic private boat ride as the sun was setting. One it was dark, he popped the question. I don't really even remember what he said. I just remember crying out, 'yes i will! yes i will! yes i will'. It was perfect. 

There is no wedding date just yet. My dream would be to bring him to Canada before we make the final commitment of marriage. Pray that God would grant us that opportunity. 

In the meantime, we are running the Rehma boys together as a team. We are loving spending time together and preparing ourselves to be husband and wife. He is constantly humbling me as he selflessly takes care of me, is patient with me, and loves me unconditionally. He even washed my shoes today after I stepped in a mud puddle! Precious. 

So from now on, you will be hearing alot more about 'us' on this blog, not just me. 

I am getting married!!

White/black husband update

I guess I had some of the information wrong about a friend who was marrying her black boyfriend even though she already has a white husband (which I talked about in a previous post). My roommate ran into her in a matatu the other day and she clarified a few things. I guess that she is not legally married to the white man. He was just her boyfriend. More of a convenient relationship than anything else. I guess they were having some issues and he ended up giving her his blessing to marry this black boyfriend. He did say that he would continue to support the couple with no strings attached. (interesting?). However, she explained that her black boyfriend is actually married to an old white woman! Yet another twist in this already twisted story. I guess he married an old European woman. She went home and fell ill. She is no longer able to travel. He is technically still married but the only way for them to divorce is for him to go to Europe(which immigration won't let him do). Sounds like a pickle? Well, not really. The white lady agreed to 'separate' and gave him her blessing to marry his kenyan girlfriend. Even she agreed to support the couple!

So indeed the story is twisted but not as twisted as I had originally thought. 

My heart has been really heavy lately watching these types of situations around me. The apartment building I live in is full of young party girls who find so much pleasure in drinking from noon and entertaining men all day. We are not sure if the are prostitutes or what they really do but its not easy to watch especially since my living room window is right where all the action goes down. I sit and pray for them from my house. 

Pray for me. I so desire to reach out to these girls but taking the first steps to do that has been difficult. I am also cautious because they live so close to me that I still want to have boundaries. I do not want them knocking at my door all day long wanting to visit. Pray for me to find a way to create relationships with boundaries and introduce to them encouragement and loving support to step out of their destructive lifestyles. 

A white husband and a black husband

My friend told me today that we have been invited for a wedding next month. I asked who's wedding it was. My friend explained who the lady is (she just lives down the street) and clarified that she was marrying her black boyfriend.


Huh? Her black boyfriend as opposed to her purple, green, blue, or white one? What?!

Turns out the lady is actually married to a white man as well!

And now she is set to marry her black boyfriend.

I am told her white husband has another wife in Europe plus her.

This is complicated. Just think about the dynamics of this relationship for a minute. I doubt it's legal. What happens when the white husband comes to Kenya? I am told the white husband knows that his black wife is about to marry her black boyfriend. I wonder if he will attend his wife's wedding. What are the kid's gonna say? "Oh this is my brother from my mom's other husband?" What makes it even more strange is that she is a Muslim and generally Muslim women don't have this much freedom. It's only the men who are allowed to have more than one spouse. This is not a situation I want to find myself in.

Unfortunately, this situation happens alot in Mombasa. White people (men especially) come to Kenya, find a sweet little kenyan girl to take as his wife in this country then he stays with her a while and sets her up with a nice house and fancy stuff then he heads back to Europe to his white wife. The Kenyan wife gets bored and gets herself a black boyfriend to play around with while she receives money and waits for the white husband. Typical. Actually my neighbour is one of those girls. She lives in this nice apartment and drinks beer starting at noon. She wears tiny clothes and sits outside as numerous black men come and chat with her. Meanwhile she has a white husband somewhere in Europe who is funding her lifestyle.

In the place I was working last year, there is a school where many of the kids have a white and black parent. Some of them, their white fathers have actually died of old age while their young black mothers take care of them. I was told of a child whose father has a mistress in Europe. Apparently the mistress comes to kenya for a few weeks a year. At this time, the father leaves his family (including his wife) to spend some time with this white lady at a cottage somewhere. At the end of her stay, the kid's school fees are paid for the whole year. An interesting business deal.

I was in the supermarket this afternoon and observed an old german man with a kenyan lady. I watched as they struggled to communicate and function together. He was so old that his mouth didn't even close. As I was leaving, I saw them standing outside. She was eating an expensive ice cream while he was hunched over his belly and let out a loud, obnoxious belch. Must be love....oy

It's hard not to be skeptical sometimes especially in the area I live where I see this all the time (all my neighbours are kenyan ladies with old white husbands) but I have definitely seen some great mixed relationships. There are those who genuinely love one another and have wonderful relationships. I even have a young kenyan girlfriend who fell in love with a german who is 20 years older. They are happy, in love and on their way to getting married soon. So it can work- I am definitely not against it. ;)


Pray that I would not be too judgemental towards these people. Pray that I can reach out to my neighbours, create friendships, and even encourage them in their marriages (even though I am not married) Pray for my friend who is marrying her black boyfriend (still not sure that I will attend or not since I don't agree with the situation at all). Pray that God would intervene.