Transitions used to be a way of life for me. I moved from one city to another, one job to another, one continent to another, one church to another, one set of friends to another, with very little fret. I actually remember in college saying to ladies in a bible study, "Transitioning is not always fun but I get so excited seeing how God pushes me through it." Hmm, I just don't have that same zeal this time. This transition is filled with a little more anxiety, uncertainty, frustration, and fear.
Today I had a little cry. Not unlike me at all. I am just tired and frustrated and anxious to leave yet a little bit scared of what is waiting for us on the other side.
We were asked today if we were excited to get to Canada. Our answer was, "We are really just excited to leave Kenya." There has just been a lot going on in our lives and all around us that has been tough and overwhelming and, to be honest, we just want to escape. Then there is the added stress of everyday living in Kenya like the fact that our water is not pumping and our house is ridiculously dirty and my phone just decided to die on me for no reason. Plus, the political climate in Mombasa is getting more and more intense as the days go by and I am not as comfortable moving about like I used to do because you just never know when something might happen especially when large crowds of zealous Kenyans (plus money, power, and pride) are involved.
We are moving out of our apartment in two days and moving in with friends for the rest of the week. I am really excited to just get rid of all our stuff and live out of our suitcases for a while. It's hard organizing and getting rid of an entire household. My feelings have wavered from being totally embarrassed that, at our age, we have so little possessions to being really content (and almost proud of ourselves) that we haven't collected so much stuff that we will be desperate to get rid of in 30 years. I am thankful that we have a 'treasures stored up in heaven' mindset at such an early age. But then again I'm a little self-concious to say that all my clothes fill half a suit case.
And then my stomach is not enjoying this transition. About 5 years ago, when I moved to Kenya the first time, I developed some bad tummy issues. After seeing the doctor and doing some tests, she asked me, 'Is there any big event happening in your life right now?' I bashfully told her that I was moving to Africa and then it all clicked. It was all anxiety related to the big transition. I am finding my stomach has also detected that a big event is happening in my life right now and has decided to fire back.
I wish I could tell you had some big spiritual revelation of some sort about this transition but I don't. I know the facts: God loves me, God is with me, this is God's will for us right now, and we will be ok.