Saturday, November 27, 2010

Hours in the ICU

It's been 2 weeks since I have arrived back in Canada. I am sorry I have failed to blog but I guess Canadian life just isn't as interesting as everyday life in Canada. I could talk about the great Kraft Dinner I made the other night or the way the malls have all their christmas decorations out now. But it seems so boring.

I am in Kelowna right now where my Deda has been in the ICU for the past month. I sort of felt that I needed to come spend some time with him and my grandmother. Its a great opportunity since I am not held down with a job or anything right now. Plus I am enjoying hanging out with my brother again who lives and goes to school here. Although, we are not the chattiest brother and sister. For the past hour, we have been sitting silently in the living room with our eyes glued to our computers. That's just what our relationship is like I guess. God didn't give me a chatty sister who I could share clothes and make-up with. Instead He blessed me with a mellow brother who is super responsible and takes very good care of me but who doesn't really like to talk a lot.

I have been spending about 4 hours a day at the hospital with Deda. He is still in very critical condition. He is in one of those units that have a bajillion machines that hook up to every part of his body and beep all day long. He has his very own nurse who stares at him from their desk and is right there when he needs him or her. It's a very high-tech, exclusive area of the hospital.

It's been quite enjoyable hanging out with Deda. He is not really able to talk but just mumble/whisper so no one can really understand him. But he likes to point at things and make big facial expressions and he can be quite funny. We just found out today that he can have internet in his room so we are going to try to see if he can watch the Grey Cup tomorrow on the computer. He loves football.

The transition back to Canada has not been nearly as difficult as it has been in the past. Jet lag was awful. It took almost a week and a half to stop getting tired at 5pm and waking up at 4am. But otherwise I haven't gotten a big dose of culture shock or have any illnesses that I carried back with me. I am living simply and trying to get back involved in the community. Canada just doesn't have the same sense of community and interdependence that Kenya does. I do miss Kenya ALOT but I am determined to enjoy the moments I have here in Canada. I know that I will be back in Kenya in just a few short months.

I am learning to be prayerful in my everyday steps. I have never before spoken to God so much and so frequently through out my days. I will sit and silently pray to Him whatever is on my heart or mind at the moment. I ask Him to go ahead of all my steps whether I am entering the hospital doors or waking up in the morning or just simply reading my books. I want God to be apart of every detail of my life right now. I am leaning on Him to keep my spirits high and to diminish all feelings of loneliness and sadness. I keep checking in with Him and asking, "Ok, is this missionary life that I live REALLY what you want me to be doing?" I see all my friends and the people around me who are graduating from universities, getting good jobs, saving up for their pensions, getting married, having babies, paying mortgages and investing in stuff. And where is my life heading? To the village with no water or electricity or security. No financial stability or investments. I keep thinking about these things. I know they are not things that we should really strive for or base our decisions on but we must be wise and plan carefully. But the more I seek God, He keeps reassuring me that He has good plans for me. He will provide all that I need. He has given me a passion and He wants me to pursue it. I think He would rather have someone who finds their passion and lights the world on fire for Him than someone who just settles for anything that will pay the bills for the rest of their lives.

As you can see, my thoughts go back and forth and are a bit mumble jumbled at the moment but hence why I am seeking God more than ever. When there is uncertainty in my life, I come closer to Him and listen more carefully to where He is leading me. It almost makes me crave being more uncertain in my life so that I would drawer nearer to my God.

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